By the end of the week, Neera’s determination to be happy for Scarlet and let her live her life without interfering in any way was wavering.
Neera’s arms ached from steaming out almost an entire new order, but she wasn’t ready to give up. She welcomed the physical distraction. The burn in her shoulders and arms gave her something else to focus on other than the endless parade of thoughts that bombarded her brain.
What if I’d talked to her about that kiss?
What if I’d followed up that kiss with another one?
What if she doesn’t know how I feel?
Could it work if she did? Could they make it work? Could there ever be a scenario where they could be an ‘us’, not as Elodie’s best friend and Elodie’s daughter, but as Scarlet and Neera?
Neera had been so worried about wrecking everything and making a mess of everything, but what if it was too late now?
Neera unfolded a long black dress out of the last box she was tackling. She hung it on the rack for steaming and started at the sleeves, which were somehow the worst of it. The thing looked like it had been stuffed into a ball in the back of a closet for a decade instead of folded neatly into a box.
The pain in her back from having to bend over for most of the afternoon wasn’t anything compared to the pain throbbing behind her eyes. If she could just stop thinking about the same things, the thoughts a relentless march through her brain, she’d be so relieved.
Tell her the truth.
Was it worth living a tortured existence just to keep the truth safe? How long would it be before she got another job, and she didn’t have to work so closely with Scarlet again? She knew that wasn’t the reason she couldn’t stop thinking about her. It was easier when she was far from home, in another city, with someone else, working a job that often left her exhausted. She wasn’t in that situation anymore. Everything had changed.
What would Scarlet do if she told her? If she admitted to having feelings for her? Would she laugh it off? No, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t laugh. She would cry. No, she probably wouldn’t do that either. She’d likely just be serious, sit down, and talk Neera out of any such thing, presenting facts logically, then they’d agree not to mention it again, and things would go on as always, but be strained and tense, probably until the end of time.
Sometimes the truth sucks. Honesty isn’t always the best policy. Sometimes the best policy was getting a job and staying busy and getting on with it. Haven’t you been trying to do that for years now? Neera wished she could have a helpful internal conversation. A nice voice, like some people had, not the argumentative, devil’s advocate crap that kept coming at her.
Neera got lost in her head again as she finished steaming the dress, and when she was just finishing the back, she heard footsteps behind her. Even if more people were working in the store, she would have recognized the click of Scarlet’s heels anywhere. She straightened up and turned around, shutting off the steamer.
“I just closed up
,” Scarlet announced. She walked over to the empty boxes, her mouth parted as she took in Neera’s work. “I can’t believe you finished everything. That’s crazy.”
Neera flushed with embarrassment. She would never say that she was working her butt off because it was better that she stayed busy. “I guess I’m getting more efficient.”
“I’ll say. It usually takes a normal person three days to steam out an order that size.”
“I totally lost track of time back here. I didn’t realize it was even close to closing up.”
“That’s okay. I’ve shut everything down so many times I could do it blind.”
Neera unplugged the steamer and set it in its regular corner where it wouldn’t take anyone out who happened back there in the dark. Accidental death by tripping over a steamer would be uncool. She turned around and found Scarlet looking at her with a naked, almost vulnerable expression, and her breath caught. She was so stunned that she said the first, stupid thing that came to mind.
“How are things going with Sarah?” I guess I could have said worse. Much worse. She was even further surprised when Scarlet’s red lips pinched, and she closed her eyes just a fraction of a second too long to be a blink.
“I guess that we’re not going to see each other anymore.”
Neera didn’t know what to think. Scarlet seemed sad, but she didn’t actually sound it. There was a heavy tone to her voice that was confusing, but she was almost sure it didn’t have anything to do with Sarah.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out.”
“No, it was me mostly. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, and I didn’t want to lead her on.” There it was again when Scarlet took a deep breath. A yearning, strange vulnerability about her that Neera had rarely seen before. One of Scarlet’s most attractive features was her natural confidence.
Neera blinked a few times, but that expression was still there. Were Scarlet’s eyes just a little bit darker and heavier, or was it just the lighting in the room? Her eyes focused on Scarlet’s lips, and she couldn’t tear them away. They were perfect. Lush. Her lipstick the same shade as her name. Neera wanted to devour those lips. She wanted to mess that lipstick up. She wanted to kiss Scarlet until her mouth was naturally bruised that red.
As Neera watched Scarlet, her eyes moved too, to focus lower, on Neera’s mouth. Neera was sure she wasn’t imagining things. Her pupils were blacker. She was studying Neera while Neera studied her. The air seemed charged like there was about to be an electrical storm inside the building. Scarlet took a step forward as if she was transfixed, and Neera didn’t hold back. Like at the New Years party, she went for it.
She closed the distance between them and stood on her toes because Scarlet was tall, and Scarlet in heels was the height of a goddess. She wrapped her arms around her neck, and instead of kissing her, she backed her up a few steps, towards the change rooms. The curtains were peeled back, and they stumbled into the first one, Scarlet’s hands cupping Neera’s face.
She bent her head as they slammed up against the wall opposite the wall with the mirror, away from the hooks to hang clothes on, and her mouth slanted over Neera’s. Scarlet’s lips were full and warm, and Neera feasted on her mouth like it might be the last chance she ever got to taste her.