Our mouths clash again. I bite down on his bottom lip until I taste the metallic tinge of blood.
Teddy guides me over to the couch, sitting first before he pulls me down into his lap. I make quick work of his jeans, only pulling them down far enough to reach his erection. I only stroke him for a few seconds before Teddy grows impatient, moving my hand away and pulling my thong to the side.
All of a sudden, he closes his eyes. “Fuck. I don’t have anything.”
“It’s okay,” I whisper. “I’m on birth control. And, well, it’s been a year. I’m clean.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek as I wait for him to reply. I’m not expecting him to laugh.
“What?”
“This just—I expected this to be different.”
“What to be different?”
“Everything.”
That’s the only answer I get before he’s kissing me and sliding inside, and pleasure drowns out every thought.
We both come quickly.
I move away before he can ask me to, clenching my thighs together as unfamiliar warmth seeps between them. I’ve never had sex without a condom before, always been extra careful. The prospect of having a kid has never been an appealing one to me. But for the first time, I let myself picture it. Imagine what my life could look like beyond the pieces already in place, the parts I created.
Teddy tucks himself back into his jeans and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He scrubs his palms over his face and then runs his fingers through his hair. “Fuck!”
I say nothing. He’s obviously not thrilled about what just took place between us. I yank the straps of my dress back into place and tuck my hair behind one ear before leaning back against the arm of the couch—about as far away from Teddy as I can get.
My eyes start to burn. I tilt my head back and stare up at the ceiling. “Everyone will be wondering what happened to you.”
“I’m sure they’ll figure it out.”
I’m sure he’s right.
“Look, I know things between us aren’t great right now. But I just want you to know, I’m super grateful for everything you’ve done—”
He stands. “Everything I’ve done? As a guitarist or as an easy lay?”
Just when I think things can’t get worse between us, I open my mouth. “You know this wasn’t just about sex for me either.”
“Do I?”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I tell him honestly.
“You. I wantyou, Sutton. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from you, and it’s the one fucking thing you won’t give me.Youare my favorite dream, June.”
Tears prick at my eyes as I whisper, “That’s not fair.”
“You’ll stackeverythingyou possibly can between us.Everything. Your dad’s happiness. Ellie. Your career. You asked me if we’d still be together because you wanted me to say no. Because you know we would be. Because the only thing that has ever stood in our way—the only thing we couldn’t get past—is you. You won’tlet melove you, and I’m done trying. We don’t have to end in heartbreak. That’s just the ending you keep picking.”
He leaves, slamming the door behind him.
And my heart doesn’t break.
It shatters.