The next few minutes go by in a blur; a mother figure shushing and swatting everyone away, leading me out of the building and into a bright red BMW with dark tinted windows that’s parked right in the valet zone.
The short drive to the complex is awkward as hell. Beth speaks, but I don’t respond. She goes on about how she had some guy from her past that got rough with her and how she could relate.
Relate? She knows nothing about me and my life. I wish she would shut up and stop pretending she cares.
My heart dances wildly in my chest with each passing second.
Beth pushes a button to shut the car off, and I waste no time opening the door and getting out.
“Claire, wait.” She jumps out to follow, clicking the key fob to lock the vehicle.
I don't stop, I just keep going. The last thing I want is to be forced to talk with this random woman, regardless of her role in creating me. I push the code into the gate access box and grant myself entry. It then dawns on me that although I've spent the last couple of weeks alone, this lady is going to be following me right into the place I was going to try to escape her.
I move through the courtyard, doing my best not to acknowledge the drops of blood still staining the ground where Griffin’s body landed. I tilt my head up at the stairs, and all of a sudden, they become fucking terrifying. I pause and take in the seemingly endless mission ahead of me.
“Are you coming?” Beth says when she reaches my side.
I snap out of my trance and nod. “Yeah.” I take each one slowly, not wanting to lose my footing and fall. I’d rather not spend any more time on them than necessary, but I’d also rather not end up like Griffin, splattered at the base of them.
I imagine Johnny’s hand, his fingers weaved through mine, anchoring me safely, protecting me from any harm that comes my way.
I had yelled at him to go, and now I can’t help but worry about him.
Did he return to the job he had blown off to save me from Griffin? Did he get punished for being late? Is he okay?
We never exchanged phone numbers, so I can't exactly call or text him to check in. He's probably equally concerned about me, and what I told the responders when they showed up.
I picture his face, the panic that wrecked him when he realized what he had done. He had gone into shock, and the only thing I could think of was getting him out of there. I couldn’t let him take the fall for what happened, even if he did do it on purpose.
“What do you need me to do?” Beth breaks through my train of thought.
“Nothing.” I stand awkwardly in the small foyer of her condo. This place feels strange and foreign now that she’s here. “I don’t need anything from you.”
Not now, not ever.
“I could make you a cup of tea.”
If she knew me, she’d know I find my comfort in coffee. But that’s the thing—she doesn’t, because in all the years I’ve been alive, she’s shown absolutely no effort in playing the role of my mother. Why should she start today?
“No, I really just want to be alone.” I cover my hands over the marks on my arms.
“We could press charges, you know?”
I ignore her words and make my way out of the suffocating space. “I’m going to bed.” I pick up the pace once I’m down the hall. I shut and lock the door behind me and rush to the bathroom, closing myself in there, too.
I slide down the wall and sit on the cold floor. I bring my knees to my chest and hold onto myself tightly to keep everything from falling apart. I sit like that for a while, until finally, I bring myself to my feet. I approach the vanity and take a long look in the mirror.
Black faded streaks run down my cheeks, and my hair is a mess. I splash water on my face in an attempt to wash away the remnants of tonight. I catch sight of my forearms and it stops me completely.
The memory of Griffin’s alcohol breath, inches from me—his fingers digging into my skin, holding onto me more aggressively than he ever has. He kept leading me toward the top of the stairs, hissing vile words and accusations at me.
All I could think about was how the other shoe had finally dropped.
One minute, everything was perfect, the next, it was ruined.