56
CLAIRE
When did Johnny and I decide to keep secrets from each other?
What happened to us?
We’ve been through some of the worst shit anyone could imagine, and here we are, being fools and hiding shit.
If I know Johnny, he’s doing what he thinks is protecting me. The same exact thing I’m doing to him. But are we really saving each other from anything if we’re putting a wedge between us? At the end of the day, aren’twethe most important part?
It doesn’t make his omissions any less painful to experience. And I imagine if he knew I was withholding something, he’d feel the same.
I round the corner, already my emotions settling with the distance from him. Now, all I can think about is running back to him, wrapping my arms around him, and hugging him tightly. Confessing everything I’ve been keeping from him and airing every single piece of dirty laundry.
Why did I thinkspaceis what we needed? It’s to tell the damn truth. To be honest with each other and stop assuming that secrets are what’s going to help our relationship.
I glance up, noticing I’ve mindlessly walked myself over to Bane’s Café. Part of me wishes I could teleport to Bram’s, sit down at the counter, and have him give me a slice of his world-class wisdom. That isn’t possible, though, at least not with the newness of faking Johnny’s death. Maybe in the future, I could play pretend as the grieving girlfriend, but I’m not sure I could stomach being in the same vicinity where Johnny was almost taken from me forever.
As much as I love Bram and his diner, it’s been tainted red.
Instead, I go inside Bane’s and walk to the register. I wipe at my face, hoping I don’t appear like a total mess. “Two coffees, to go.”
A peace offering of sorts. The ice that will break the tension, which will lead to us working through this weird rough patch.
I reach into my pocket to pull out my phone, where I have my cash and cards attached to the case. Except, I come up empty-handed. I feel around the front and back.
“Fuck,” I spit out. I dig my fingers into my tiny front pockets, relief washing over me when I feel a bill tucked inside. I wiggle it out, even more relieved to see it’ll at least cover our drinks.
Luciano comes out from the kitchen area. “It’s on the house.” He nudges Miller aside and pushes a few buttons on the screen.
Miller rolls his eyes but grabs our cups and pours them full.
Grabbing the cinnamon shaker on his way, Luciano strolls over. “Do you have a minute?”
After the biggest fight Johnny and I have ever had? “Not really.”
“Those tables need cleaned,” Luciano tells Miller.
Basically, in agive us some privacykind of way.
I put a dash of cinnamon in each of the coffees and secure the lids.
Luciano tilts his body toward me, away from the rest of the diner. “I believe you.”
I meet his gaze. “Why would I have lied about something like that?”
He lifts his shoulder. “People have done crazier things to weasel their way in and out of my presence.”
Who does he think he is? “I didn’t know who you were until a few days ago. Don’t act all high and mighty.”
I probably shouldn’t take this tone with him, but my emotions are still running wild given the evening I’m having. All I really want is to go home and tell Johnny how sorry I am for storming away. For being childish and reacting the way I did. He’s not the only one keeping secrets. We’re both guilty, and if we had to weigh them all out, mine is probably worse. He must be worried sick about me, especially now that I know I left my phone in the car. In any other instance, he could track my location and make sure I’m safe and sound.
With Griffin, he demanded I keep that turned on for him, but in a way to control me, to keep his thumb on me and make sure I wasn’t cheating on him. With Johnny, he really does put my wellbeing at the top of his priorities. He didn’t even want to turn it on, because of my past with Griffin. I insisted, though, knowing it would ease his nerves about me going back to school full time. I wouldn’t be going far, but he’d have the ability to check if something had happened and I was taken off course.
Franklin is such a wild card—we haven’t been fully confident we escaped him just yet. Maybe with more time. It’s still a little too fresh, though.
“You’re right,” Luciano admits. He runs his hand along his bearded face and into his hair. “This has been…a shock, to say the least. Something I didn’t see coming.”