Her eyes dart to me again. “Yes, I met someone, Dad. I brought him with me. He’s nothing like Griffin, I swear it. Even Rosie approves.”
“Rose met him?” Somehow, this seems to settle his nerves.
“Numerous times.”
He lets out a breath. “I don’t like this, Claire. I feel like I’ve abandoned you, that I’m failing you as a father by not being there. I mean Christ, your boyfriend, sorry,ex-boyfriend, he’s dead? Did I hear that right?”
“He was drunk and fell down the stairs. He was in ICU for a while and ended up havingcomplications.” She puts an extra emphasis on that last word.
“Jesus, Claire. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. Are you…are you okay? I mean, as okay as you could be?”
I wish there was some way to reassure this man I’ve never met that I would do anything for his daughter. That the safest place she could possibly be is by my side, because I would quite literally stop at nothing to protect her.
“I am. Really.”
And somehow, despite it being a terrible thing to admit, I think Griffin dying was actually a good thing. He was a menace to everyone he came in contact with. He didn’t deserve the air he was breathing. This world will be a better place without him.
“I can come back, Claire.”
“No, Dad. I don’t want you to. I mean, I do miss you, that’s a given. But you’re more useful there. Finish out your assignment and write the best damn piece you can. I want this for you, more than I want you here. Do it for me, okay?”
“If you change your mind, I swear it, I’ll be on the next flight home.” He pauses and adds. “This doesn’t feel right. I should be there with you.”
“Dad, there isn’t anything for you to do. I’m in school full time. I’m working on getting a job. Between that, getting my assignments done, and my social life, there isn’t space for much else. I’m telling you, stay there. If I need you, I pinky promise I’ll reach out.”
“And this guy, you’re sure about him?”
She sighs and stares straight at me. “Absolutely.”
And with that, the phone disconnects, his prepaid minutes ending abruptly.
“Well, that went well.” Claire drops her butt onto the bed and covers her face.
“Could have probably gone worse, considering.” I throw my arm around her shoulder. “He cares, though. You have that. Complete polar opposite of your mom. One great parent is better than two shitty ones.”
She sighs and leans into me. “Yeah.” Claire angles her head to look up at me. “Did you ever meet your dad?”
I avert my gaze, shifting it to the floor. “No.” Childhood memories trickle in, none of them very pleasant. My mom, always with some douche who treated her like shit. “I don’t think so.”
“What if you could, would you?” She stares at me with such curiosity.
I’ve pondered this same question many times before. The answer always the same. Whoever that man was, he left us. He left her. And maybe her death was her own fault, for going down the wrong path time and time again, but it’s hard not to hold someone at least a little accountable for something like that. She never told me anything about him, and at a certain point, I stopped asking. If he could leave her the way he did, he was never someone I wanted to get to know.
“No.”
My response seems to surprise her. “Oh.”
“Would you?” I ask her.
She shrugs and straightens up. “Maybe. I mean, I’m not you, and you have your own experience. But for me, I’m sort of glad I went out west to be with my mom. It sucked, don’t get me wrong, it was a terrible time.” She sort of humorlessly laughs. “I wouldn’t have met you if I didn’t, though. And I wouldn’t have known for sure what kind of person she was. I didn’t like the not knowing, the wondering if I had it all wrong, and she was actually a decent human. Now, well, now I can make my own judgments without guessing. That woman sucks. Maybe she’s a good friend, or a loyal worker, but as a mother, she’s the worst.”
She has a point. The uncertainty that lingers is a fickle bitch. But there are endless possibilities and I’m not sure if I could handle the truth. And even then, I would have no fucking clue how to go about locating him, if he’s even alive. I legit have not a single identifying detail about him. I don’t know his name, where he’s from, what he looks like—nothing. Only that he knocked my mom up and didn’t stick around.
He could be dead. Or he could be a deadbeat. But what if he’s actually decent? What if he’s an investment banker or a freaking doctor? What if he has other children…a family? I could potentially have brothers or sisters.
I’ll never know, though, because not only would it be like finding a needle in a haystack, but I may also not live long enough to start the search. At this rate, Franklin will be coming for me any time now, and I need to focus on preparing for his arrival.
I kiss Claire’s cheek. “You have the morning off from class, right?”