51
JOHNNY
Ihate it when Claire is gone.
This world is too dangerous to not worry my ass off every second she’s away. I try to distract myself, following up on leads of where Franklin might be, keeping tabs on his whereabouts and his moves to note anything suspicious. But no matter what, my mind always floats back to her dark, honey-colored hair and bright blue eyes.
It’s been a week since we heard the news of Griffin’s death, and somehow, Claire has stayed with me. I keep waiting for her to realize that I’m a monster—a killer—but she doesn’t. She hasn’t even brought it up, which is equal parts relief and a concern.
I don’t want her to suppress her feelings because she’s afraid of being honest with me. I want her to be able to talk to me, even when it’s uncomfortable. We’re a team, and there isn’t anything we can’t handle together. Never do I want her to feel like she can’t tell me something. I’d never judge her or try to gaslight her out of feeling a certain way. She matters to me, more than I’ll ever fully comprehend, and I hope that she knows I’m here for her through it all—whatever life throws our way. And if not being with me is what she truly wants, I will respect that, despite it being the most painful thing I can imagine.
Even worse than death itself.
And trust me, I’ve been pretty fucking close to knowing what that’s like.
I wouldn’t blame her for walking away. How could I expect her to understand that I did what I did to protect her? That everything I’ve ever done was because I thought it was the right thing to do. But why do I get to choose what’s right or wrong? How do my bad actions get somehow justified based on my personal rationale?
I shake the thought and walk down the steps and into the front lobby of our building. I nod a hello to the kind-looking older woman picking up her tiny dog to carry it up the stairs. Walking out the main doors, the crisp cold air rushes to greet me, reminding me there are still a few more months until spring arrives, another season I’m curious to experience from the East Coast’s perspective.
I glance left, then right, and cross the not very busy street, making my way to the post office to check our mailbox. Claire is still anxious about her scholarship details coming in, so I’m making sure to check daily in hopes that the letter will arrive and ease her nerves. No matter how many times I’ve told her that money is no issue, she hasn’t let up with wanting to cover her tuition herself.
Just the thought of her brings a smile to my face. I can’t exactly blame her for her rationale, I would probably be the same exact way if the situation were reversed. She’s honestly handling it all better than I thought she would. Claire has been nothing but a wonderful surprise from day one, and I can only imagine that will continue with each moment spent together.
“Johnny?” A thick, familiar voice stops me dead in my tracks.
My heart clenches. I will myself to become invisible but it’s no use.
Other than Claire and Rosie, no one, and I mean no one, should know my name out here.
I swallow. I could easily ignore the person, keep moving and pretend I didn’t hear them. I could act like I’m tying my shoe, which would explain why I suddenly stopped. Or I could turn and face the person that voice came from.
“Johnny?” The person calls out again, this time a little closer.
My window of escape is closing. I’ve tried like hell to prepare myself for something like this, but I guess I always expected Franklin to be the one to come for me, not the man stepping around me to stand in front of me.
The guy I trusted, probably more than I should.
I raise my gaze from the ground ahead and up to meet his wild stare. “Josey.”
He clutches his chest. “Holy shit.” Josey steps forward, but I take one back. “Dude, seriously?” He closes the gap anyway, wrapping his wide arms around me, surprising me when he hugs me tight. “I thought you were fucking dead.”
With my arms pinned to my side in a Josey hug, I mutter back, “Yeah, that was the whole point.”
Josey lets go and clamps my shoulders. He grips me firmly and takes a solid look at me. “I can’t believe it.” He punches my arm. “Here you are, in the fucking flesh.”
My attention darts all around, looking for some kind of exit. It’s Josey, and although he’s someone I once believed in, he could be here on behalf of Franklin to finish the job he had started back on the west coast.
“I heard rumors, man, I had to come see it for myself.” Josey shakes his head. “You couldn’t have picked some place a little warmer?” He rubs his arms. “It’s frigid as fuck here.” Josey kicks at a little pile of snow on the ground. “Even this shit is ugly.”
Despite the raging panic coursing through me, it’s strangely liberating to see him. We grew close in our time together, and I hated not being able to tell him the truth. But I couldn’t risk Franklin finding out, not just for my sake, but for Claire’s, too. Honestly, I’m not sure I would have made it this far without Josey and the tip he gave me about that package being stolen from me being an inside job. Without that information, I might not have ever tracked it down and bought myself more time with Franklin. Josey risked his ass to help me out, which should show me where his loyalties lie. But one can never be too sure, especially in our line of business.
“Does anyone know you’re here?” I ask the question that’s nagging me.
Josey straightens up, easily towering over me with his height and build. Josey is a large dude. Someone I definitely wouldn’t want to get into a fistfight with. “Told them I had some family business to attend to.” He clears his throat. “I really do, my gran is sick.”
“Ah, shit, Jose, I’m sorry, man.” This time, it’s me that slaps his shoulder.
It’s like we’re brought back to those nights behind Franklin’s place. A difficult, but much simpler time. One when I wasn’t running for my life, just running illegal packages all over the city.