50
CLAIRE — NOW
This past week has been strange.
Griffin is dead. And while that may be great news, considering what I did to ensure that happened, there’s still the possibility that the poison I put into Griffin’s mouth will show up during his autopsy, giving away the fact that he didn’t actually die of complications from his accident.
That it was me that killed him.
I killed someone. On purpose.
Without so much as a second thought.
And not for one moment have I ever regretted it. The only thing that concerns me is getting caught—and what Johnny would think of me if he knew the truth.
He looks at me like I’m this sweet and innocent person, a fragile, delicate being. Would he run the other way if he found out what I did to rid Griffin from my life?
Even in death, he’s still a lingering presence, threatening to ruin everything Johnny and I have worked so hard for.
I thought I was doing the right thing, to eliminate Griffin completely, but what if I made things worse by taking matters into my own hands? What if my actions are unforgivable in Johnny’s eyes?
All I wanted was to take back the control Griffin had stolen from me so long ago.
Despite all of my worries, Johnny has somehow been sweeter than usual. If that’s even possible. With me, he’s this gentle, kind man, but with everyone else, he’s cold and shut off, sometimes harsh. I’m the only one who gets to see his soft side, and I’m not mad about that one bit. I love that Johnny is comfortable enough with me to open up, to give me his heart and soul. But what if I don’t deserve that?
Especially with the enormous secret I’m keeping from him. Along with the fact that I may have fibbed about needing a cheek swab for food allergies, when in reality it was for an ancestry test to see if he has any living family members.
The results of which happen to be coming in today.
Johnny wraps his arms around my waist and hugs me from behind. He buries his face in my hair and kisses my neck. “I’m going to miss you.”
I hold him tightly and cherish the warmth that settles throughout my soul with his touch. I lean into him and sigh. “I wish you could come with me.” I turn so I’m facing him, his hands still gripping my middle. “Maybe soon? Now that your I.D. came in?” I run my thumb along his bushy eyebrow and along his cheek. I’ll never quite get used to how good-looking he is. Those emerald eyes shining against his long, dark lashes that any girl would pay a lot of money to have.
Johnny leans forward, running his nose along mine. Gently, he presses his mouth against my bottom lip. “Maybe.”
I kiss him and cherish the sweet and savory taste of him. My tongue darts out, dancing elegantly with his. No matter how much time passes, I can never quite get used to the fluttering that appears with his touch. There’s so much of us that fits perfectly together. Both physically and spiritually—as if we were once one soul, split in two, only to find each other again.
It’s crazy to think that we’ve known each other less than a year, when it feels like we’ve been together since the beginning of time. Life before Johnny is a blur, and life without him, well, that seems completely unfathomable.
“As much as I want you to stay…” Johnny breathes into me, his fingers gripping me tighter. “You’re going to be late.”
I glance across at the clock on the microwave. “Shit.”
He breaks away, a beautiful grin on his face. Johnny snatches my backpack from the dining room chair and hands it to me. “Here.” He plants one final kiss on my cheek.
In a perfect world, Johnny would be coming with me. He’d be attending classes and taking the steps he needed to pursue whatever path he wanted. He’d hold my hand and walk me to our car, open my door and drive the couple blocks to our school. We’d meet each other outside of our classes when they let out and be a normal college couple.
But instead, I drive the short distance to campus alone, my only company the endless thoughts that float in and out of my head. Luckily, Rosie is there to greet me when I park, helping to distract me a little from my chaotic mind.
It’s been wonderful to have her around, although she’s only been informed of bits and pieces of the situation. Johnny and I already feel guilty about getting her involved, but considering she’s my very best friend, there was no way I could go on without her in some capacity.
Rosie has actually been incredibly accommodating, given our super-secretive nature. Don’t get me wrong, she’s definitely tried to ask questions and get more details, but she’s never once faltered or judged us for the weirdness of everything.
I guess when you’ve been friends with someone for so long, you roll with the punches when shit hits the fan.
“How was your date?” I ask her, happy to take my thoughts away from my own drama. It’s only a matter of minutes until I find out the results of Johnny’s ancestry test, and if I don’t focus on something else, I may lose my mind.
Rosie rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Terrible. I’m telling you, the dating pool is absolute garbage. Not only was the guy twenty minutes late, but he also showed up piss drunk.”