I apply what pressure I can. “No.” I shake my head, tears falling down my cheeks.
“I…” He pants a little. “I need you to know…”
“No. Not like this. Don’t you dare do it like this.” I bring him closer to my chest to support his weight from settling onto the dirty ground.
“I love you, Claire.” A bit of blood appears on his lips, and his body goes slack.
“No, no, no, Johnny!” I frantically plead with him. “Don’t do this. No. Please, don’t. Stay with me. You can’t leave me.”
But it’s no use, he’s already gone.
I turn toward the gathering crowd, desperate for someone to do something. “Help,” I scream. “Someone help.” My voice fades as my own will to live leaves me.
There’s this old saying, about how when you die, your whole life flashes before you, but no one ever tells you what it’s like to watch the light leave the eyes of the man you love. To see every ounce of strength wash away until you’re left with nothing. I thought everything I had been through up to this point was a lot to handle, but not a damn thing could have ever prepared me for this.
For losing him.
It wasn’t memories of the past that came—they were all of our potential future. Every single thing we never got to do. Stolen kisses in the rain. Shows we’d watch. The mornings I’d wake up next to him, or in his arms. We had so much left to do. All of it was gone.
I knew we had a long road ahead to figure out all the details, but I thought we had more time.