Now, four seasons have shifted past, and Kieran has transformed from darkness to daylight. Gone is the stranger who dragged my bloody, shaking body out of the grocery store. While a warm, salted breeze rustles over my bikini and flowery sarong, the soft jittering in my stomach speaks to the presence of thelittle girlI’m learning to adore. Kieran treasured our seed the moment he lifted my surprised body into the air, pregnancy test in hand. And he loved her to infinity the day God revealedhergender. It brings new meaning to God’s restoring what was lost.
“You’re nervous?” Kieran’s hands slide over my forearms as he comes up behind me. I hadn’t felt his presence. I turn away from the freshly painted deck, which overlooks the Caribbean. Kiera’s followed him outside in a hot-yellow bikini, carrying two large pitchers of lemonade.
While she finishes setting the wooden tables, I tell him, “No, not really. I mean, I met Erika, and aside from her bartering kisses for self-defense lessons—”
“She what?”Kieran growls as his sister stands directly behind him, chopping her hands through the air near her neck.
“Kiera,” I attempt to change the subject, “you need more sunblock.”
My usual sidekick offers half a snarl.Oye, wrong move.
Kieran enunciates each word in his charming, gruff brogue. “I’ve the remedy to your sun issue, sister—Put onmoreclothes! You ain’t wearing enough.”
During the school year, I constantly played mediator while Kieran argued over her clothing. Today, he cuts himself off, favoring an argument with me instead. “Now, back to you, lassie. So, you’re telling me to murder—”
“No.” I find myself in a hasty retreat. I saunter down the deck, my bare feet soothed by the warm sand. “I’m not saying to murder your own flesh and blood.”
With ease, Kieran catches up with me. “Erika’s only my cousin.”
Eyes wide, I round on him, stubbing my foot on a seashell.
“Kidding. You’re nervous, though?” He says, hands up, defensive, as I rub my hurt foot against the other.
“Yeah. Like I’ve said, I met Erika. Oh, and I almost forgot dinner with Brody and Justice.” Connecting with them all had come effortlessly. Now, though, I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed. “But you literally havetwofamilies, while I’ve starved years forone.”
He clasps me in his arms, glancing over the sun-shimmering sea. “But they’re meeting us here.Yourhome.”
“Thank you,” I whisper. While my father perished in a Mexican desert, and Mama was most likely in a potter’s field, their presence envelopes me here. Kieran bought the very land where my parents once owned a restaurant and fishing pier.Our newly constructed vacation home sits behind us. My guy loves hard. He not only gave me the world, but he also offered me the sun, the moon, the stars.
I run a tentative hand over my arm, feeling like shit for so many reasons. Guilt eats at me. Guilty for betraying Arika. Guilt for not appreciating my pregnancy and connecting with this baby the way I should.Ava, don’t be a hypocrite! Some women can’t have children. You’re blessed. Stop this now!I berate myself over and over for the overwhelming guilt and thoughts.
“What did I say about thanking me with your words?” Kieran squeezes my midriff, pulling me out of my head.
“If we model appreciation now, modeling it for our little girl will come naturally—viola.” Guilt slams into my chest. And that smile that just felt real suddenly stiffens while I try in vain to wiggle away.
Unaware of my self-loathing, Kieran’s eyes go deliciously dark. “Properwill be you’re thanking me later, little bird.”
Slowly parting my lips, I wait in heady anticipation for his mouth to claim mine. Kieran’s breath teases across my lips when an onslaught of honking breaks our magnetic attraction. Exiting an armada of SUVs are a ton of rowdy, smiling men and boys. One woman rounds out the fold. She’s sturdily built and favors Bertha’s muumuus, donning one with lime-green hibiscus flowers. Nan.
Leading the pack is a duo of fine specimens in jean shorts and a-shirts. Before I can say a word, one of the extremely attractive blonds hefts me into his arms.“You’rereal!”
His twin says, “Knox, give ‘er to me. Lemme confirm.”
Kieran grips my waist from behind, pulling me down. “Try me, arseholes.”
While they horse around, Nan fusses. “I oughta take a swift kick to the both of you. She’s pregnant!”
There are so many conversations that I’m taking it all in the best I can. Nan embraces me. Glee pours off the affectionate, round woman. “Sweetie, you’re twenty-three, twenty-four months, aye?”
I give a nervous chuckle. “Yeah . . . Kier, did you . . .”
Patting my face with a smile, Nan says, “Oh, hush. Kieran’s kept mum!”
“He said you were real, though,” Knox mumbles, pawing at his jaw.Damn, did Kieran sneak in a punch while Nan tackled me with a mama-bear hug?
“Aunt Nan, you’d have come to Ireland the second I told you,” Kieran replies, touching the small of my back. Although it might seem like it, Kieran’s not keeping our child a secret. The day I squatted over a pee-stick and confirmed the inevitable, he bought cigars for all his henchmen. While everyone’s hugging everyone, I can’t help but touch my blossoming belly. It takes me a little by surprise, but a piece of my heart I once denied our child warms over.
“Stand in line, all of you,” Kieran orders. “Not you, Nan. Gotta get the formalities over with. Brody, you’ve got a lot of boys. I’ll be blessed with half as much.”