I climb into the firm padding of the bed. “I can’t sleep.”
“I remember a time when I couldn’t sleep either. I’d get no peace, ear to the door, listening to the two of ye giggling.”
A flush ascends my neck. “Leith and I never—”
“I know. I always harped. Nae disrespecting my house. Chevelle, I meant nae disrespecting ye, dear. Ye was a young lassie, with no mam—not to sayye didna have a good heid. And ye had the biggest stars in yer eyes for my son.”
When Nan shares how Leith had the same mesmerized look, I swallow a boulder. I’m not quite prepared for a trip down memory lane, at least, not in the topic of my love story.
I change the subject. “I apologize for fighting in your home and on your lawn. And for threatening your son’s life. . . for a series of actions that I’m not proud of. I was blindingly angry. I can’t recall everything.”
“The two of ye made a list of blunders today.” Nan waves me away, laughing so hard her buxom shoulders shake. “Dinna worry so much. I’ve threatened Big Brody’s life ahunnertimes.”
“Ohhh.”
“Ye’re brightening my mood. I have work to do, but I sort of expected ye to come see me before I went down to meet ya know who.”
I stifle my emotions about what’s occurring in the family basement.
“They never die here, sweetheart. I’m keen about them disappearing in one of the boys’ trunks before expelling their last breath. Nae ghost stories in this home.”
“Okay,” I murmur, still shocked.
Nan runs a hand over my tense shoulder. “Or are ya contemplating yer own ghost story? The one ye can’t quite wrap yer brain around.”
“He didn’t kill my momma.” I hesitate.
“Nae. Sweetheart. He didna. Now, I’m gonna mention Erika again.”
I’m stone to her touch.
“Erika honestly just likes to push us all. Wants us to own our beliefs.” Nan pats my shoulder. “Leith would never hurt ya.”
“I know.” My cell phone rings, although I focus on Nan while pressing the away button.
“I didna tell Erika the reason ye’re skittish around clan activities—yer parents and all. But she senses these things. Then she fights us to shed what we’ve hidden. That’s what a clan does. Support each other. But I shielded ye like my ownwean.”
Fighting the imaginary vice around my throat, I gasp, “Why?”
“Years ago, I sat ya down, shared how yer adoptive mam continued to keep ya on account that ye’d come into money. I thought either ye had forgiven her, which makes ye an even bigger person than us all, or ye just weren’t ready. How I prayed it was the former.” The glow of the television screen softens Nan’s face and an otherwise daunting discussion. “Hadye told me it was the latter, I know in my heart of hearts that I would’ve not honored yer decision to spare her life. I would have killed her myself. Anyway, yer life had been hard enough. I didna think ye needed more pushin’. So, I protected ye as much as I could.”
I play with a lock of hair, missing Leith fiercely, and missing my parents with all of me. Missing the connection that I could’ve had with Nan all these years. Leith’s mother has been wonderful, but there was always a thin barrier between us.
“I’m lost, Nan. Leith’s always there for me.”
“When I fell in love with Big Brody, I pushed him away too. He was ruthless—a different breed than what was ingrained in me as a child.”
“What happened?”
“He was persistent. I was too fat to outrun him.” She grips the meat on her thighs.
I laugh so hard that tears slide down my cheeks.
“Big Brody showed me a side of him nae other had ever seen. So, I fell hard. Love changed me.”
I ponder her words for a moment. That’s the scary part of falling so hard. Justice suggested the opposite. I’m assuming the same scenario occurred for her and Lance.
She fell too hard.