A credit card.
The one I opened in his name. On cue, he flips it around, his full name in my face, nearly mocking me.
“I was taking the sheets off to wash this morning when I found this hiding under the mattress.”
My mouth opens, but he’s already talking, “You werehidingit from me. Why does it feel like another fucking lie, Sawyer?”
“I wasn’t keeping it so I could use it, I promise,” I swear vehemently. “It was in my back pocket when you brought me onto the boat, and somehow, it didn’t slip out from the wreck. I hid it when we first got here, and I just… I haven’t gotten rid of it yet.”
As the last word leaves my mouth, I cringe, realizing how much that sounded like a weak excuse. He’s going to think I’m lying, but for once, I’m telling the complete truth. I don’t want to lie to him anymore. I want him to see all my ugly truths and accept me anyway.
“I should’ve just tossed it in the ocean. I don’t know why I didn’t,” I admit. “But it was never with the intention to use it again.”
He tosses the flimsy plastic onto the table next to me and then plants his fists on either side of my hips, getting in my face.
The fire alarm has been switched, and any oxygen I had stored in my lungs has evacuated.
“Why do I believe you?” he asks aloud, though I’m not sure he intended for me to answer.
“I don’twantto believe you, Sawyer. Because the last time I did, you fucking hurt me.”
My lip trembles, guilt and shame crashing through me so profoundly, that it feels as if it’s rewriting my DNA. I can feel nothing—benothing—past the damage I’ve done. Not just to Enzo but to so many innocent people.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp, a single tear wiggling loose. He tracks the drop, watching it fall from my chin and onto my bare legs. My shirt has ridden up, and though I’m still wearing my bathing suit beneath, I’ve never felt barer.
Quickly, I wipe away the evidence from my face.
“You don’t get to be the one that cries,” he tells me. “You don’t get to cry when you’re the one who ruined me.”
“You’re right. I did this to you,” I agree, blinking back more tears. I’m not crying for myself. I don’t even feel bad for myself anymore.
What I’ve gone through—what I’ve done—it’s no excuse for how I’ve chosen to survive. I’ve placed that on others’ shoulders and made strangers responsible for keeping me safe.
I’ve always known this, but this is the first time I’ve had to face the destruction that I’ve caused. It’s like a monster took over, and I’ve been lost to it as it decimated everything around me. And now, the anger has finally receded, and I’m left standing amongst the carnage, having no one to blame but myself.
“I am…sosorry,” I choke out again, praying he can see the sincerity.
Enzo inspects my face closely, picking apart every micro expression and likely searching for deception.
“I know you are,” he murmurs. “But I still don’t want to forgive you.”
I nod, understanding him, but still hating it anyway. Hating what I’ve done, but even more determined to never be that person again.
Which means that I need to tell him the complete truth about Kev.
“I understand,” I acquiesce, then pause, searching for the right words for my confession. I’ve no idea how to say it, but before I can figure it out, he’s shaking his head as if resigning himself to something.
“But I’m going to. I don’t want to be angry with you anymore, Sawyer. I did swear that I wouldn’t be cruel, but I realize now that for me to keep my promise, I’m going to have to fucking forgive you. And I’m going to have to trust you. If I’m going to give you everything you deserve, then I have to give you all of me.”
He tips his chin down, the look on his face severe. “Can I do that, bella? Can I give you all of me?”
“Yes,” I vow, the word practically tripping and tumbling out of my mouth. “I won’t ever hurt you again. I swear, Enzo.”
He’s nodding, almost as if he’s trying to come to terms with that. Then, he’s dropping his head with a sigh for a second before lifting it back to me, something different radiating from the depths of his eyes.
“You’re a goddamn siren, and I’m the fool who would gladly drown just to get a taste of you. Starve, for all I care,bella, butIwill be eating tonight, and the only thing I’m hungry for is you.”
Surprise muddles my thoughts. I blink at him, ready to ask him to repeat himself just to make sure I heard him right, but when I open my mouth, he’s crashing his lips into mine.