Unsure of what to say, what I could say, I turned on my heel and strode into my room, leaving Jules in the hallway.
13
JULES
“Again?” Declan asked, his voice crystal clear and filled with judgment.
“Shut up. I plead the Fifth.”
“Bruh.” I could practically hear his eye roll through my headset.
“It’s not my fault!”
“You complain about him nonstop. You actively dislike and maybe even hate the guy, but you keep falling on his dick?”
“Ugh. It sounds so bad when you put it that way.”
“Jules, you know I’m all about you doing you. But this is messed up.”
“I know." I flopped back against my headboard.
“Is it that good?” he asked quietly.
“Yeah.” I sighed. “It really is.”
I hadn’t shared my kinks with Dec. I’d just told him that Ash had skills and that was why I kept going back for more.
“But you still hate the guy.”
“Yes.”
Do you really?
I ignored the annoying voice in my head.
“This isn’t healthy, Jules. You need to make a choice.”
“Like what kind of choice?”
“You need to choose a side. Either you dislike him and complain about him until my ears fall off, or you put up with him and let him keep giving you the D.”
“You make me sound cheap.”
“You’re fucking a dude youdislikeon the regular.”
“Not that regular. It’s only happened, like, six times.”
“Six times, in a month, with a guy you hate.”
“You’re right. I’m messed up. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Nothing.” His voice was gentle. “Look, I don’t subscribe to the notion that virginity is some tangible thing you save or give away like it’s some prize, but your first sticks with you. It makes sense that you’re confused.”
“You’re right. I know you are.” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and let out a frustrated huff.
“Just think about it, Jules. Figure out what would be best for you.”
He was right.