“They’ll figure it out soon enough.” He took one of my hands in his and laced our fingers together.
“Are you ready for this? I’m out, but you’re not. This is a big deal for you.”
“I’m ready.” He brought our joined hands to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss against my knuckles. “I want to be with you openly. I’m tired of hiding how I feel about you.”
“I am too. But, Ash, you can’t come back from this. Once it’s out there, it’soutthere, and you can’t take it back.”
“I know. But I’m ready.” He was studying me like I was a puzzle he was trying to figure out.
“It’s just… I didn’t get to come out. I was outed. It’s the worst feeling, having everyone know your personal business, talking about your sex life like it’s the weather. And things change. People look at you differently, treat you differently. You’re never going to just be Ash again. You’ll always be Ash, the dude who likes dudes.”
He lifted his head off my lap and sat up. “I’m sorry that happened to you, kitten. Even back then, I thought it was bullshit. I didn’t like people talking shit about you just because you’re gay. And I’m still pissed at myself for not stopping the bullying.”
“I never blamed you for that. Even then, I could separate your friends from you.”
“Still doesn’t make it right.”
“So you understand why this is such a big deal. I don’t want you to hate me if things in your life go sideways, and it’s my fault.”
“Jules.” He slid closer to me and gathered me in his arms. “You’re worth it. If someone can’t accept that I’m with a guy, then they’re out of my life. No questions and no regrets. If they treat me differently, then I’ll deal with it. If shit goes sideways, then whatever. It’s all worth it if I get to have you. I don’t care about any of that.”
“I wish I was like you.” I tucked my head under his chin. “I wish I didn’t care.”
“Don’t you want me to come out? Are you worried about the stepbrother thing?”
“No. I mean, yes? I don’t want you to hide if you’re ready, but I am worried about the stepbrother thing. I’m not like you. I’m not tough and popular, and I do give a shit what people think of me. I’m finally over the bullying I had to deal with when I was outed, and I’m not sure I can handle it happening again.”
“I get that, but you’re forgetting one thing.”
“What’s that?” I looked at him.
“You have me. If someone gives you a hard time, if they bully you, then they’ll have me to deal with. You’re mine, and I will always protect you.”
Flutters of love exploded in my chest.
“I love you,” I whispered.
“Love you too.” He kissed the top of my head and held me tight. “It’s up to you, kitten. Do you want to tell people or not? I’m okay keeping this quiet if that’s easier for you.”
“No.” I sighed as he rubbed my back in a way that was both soothing and comforting. “I’m tired of pretending. Of hiding my feelings for you. I want to be able to have lunch with you at school, hold your hand and sit in the quad together during our breaks.”
Ash chuckled.
“What?”
“It’s so strange to want that too. I’ve never wanted that. I designed my entire sex life aroundnotgetting into a relationship.”
“And now?”
“Now that’s all I want from you. I want to tell people about my amazing boyfriend. To be able to go out together and kiss you and hold your hand and all that mushy stuff.”
“You’re a closet sap, you know that, right?” I teased.
“It would seem so.” He snorted and pressed a kiss to my lips. “Are you ready for that?”
“Yes. I want it.”
Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz.