“Really?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“I wish I could think like that.” I sighed. “But I also wish I could have that.”
“The wife and kids?”
“Not the wife part, but yeah. It would be nice to have my own family someday. Kids I can love and raise with my… partner.”
“You mean husband.” He kissed my temple.
“Yeah.” I snuggled closer to him.
“It’s okay to want that.” He rubbed his stubbled cheek against mine, the rasp of his skin making me shiver. “And that actually sounds like a pretty sweet life.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean, I never really pictured what my future would look like because I had no idea what I wanted. But now that I think about it, a couple of kids and a steady relationship sounds pretty awesome.”
“And you think you could do that with a guy?” I whispered.
“Why not?” He rubbed my back.
“Because it won’t be easy. You’ll have to deal with people like my dad. And it’s not like you can just make a baby when there are only dicks involved.”
He slipped his hand under the back of my shirt and stroked my bare skin. “Have I ever done anything the easy way?”
I laughed softly. “No.”
“And so what? I don’t give a shit what anyone says about me. Never have. And the kids thing? That’s not an issue unique to same-sex couples. Lots of straight couples deal with infertility. There are ways to have kids if you want them.”
This entire conversation was too deep, too intense, after the scene we’d just gone through. I was already feeling raw and flayed open. Having my dad freak out on me again for liking dick sucked.
He was the only parent I had left, and I hated how something like my sexuality had destroyed the little bit of a relationship we’d had left.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Ash kissed my temple and pulled his hand from under my shirt. “Still want to go to my dad’s, or would you rather go somewhere else?”
“Your dad’s. I don’t feel like being out among people right now.” I climbed off his lap.
“Yeah. A night in is exactly what we need after all this.”
I nodded in agreement. I had no idea what kind of scene we’d walk into tomorrow, but that was something for tomorrow Jules to worry about.
Right now, I wanted to spend the night with the man I loved. I might not be able to tell him, but I could admit it to myself.
I was utterly and totally in love with Ash. I just hoped that one day he could love me too.
22
ASH
“Holy shit!”
I laughed and slid my hand into Jules’s as I led him into the main foyer of my dad’s house.
“How the hell do you clean that?” He came to an abrupt stop and looked at the massive chandelier that hung over the curved double staircase. “And those.” He pointed to the windows across from the chandelier. They were easily twenty feet above ground level with no way to access them.
“Pretty sure my dad’s cleaning service deals with that.” I tugged him over to a hidden panel on the wall next to the bottom of the stairs.