“Hey.” I immediately push off the bench, holding the basket of apple pecan muffins in my hands. I drove all the way across town to get her favorites. At first sight, I’d say she’s confused. Maybe a little shocked.
She arches an eyebrow. “Hey?”
“Your mom let me in. Then she had to go monitor Ashley’s dance lesson.” I gesture to the dance studio upstairs.
There’s a moment of awkward silence.
“I just thought I’d bring you muffins.” I beat around the bush.
She’s not having it. “What are you really doing here, Diamond?”
Ouch.
She full-named me.
I place the basket onto the velvet bench behind me. “Trying not to lose my only friend.”
Her response comes right away. “I’m not your only friend. You have Lacey, remember?”
Lacey blocked me on Snapchat the minute we parted ways last night. Safe to say that our friendship is over.
I let out a scoff. “Not anymore.”
She doesn’t ask me what I mean by that, but I can tell she wants to. She can’t help herself. Even after I’ve hurt her—repeatedly—she still worries about me.
That’s just who Aveena is.
“I’m so sorry, Vee. I’ve been an awful friend. And I’m not just talking about last night. I’m talking about all of senior year.”
She keeps her mouth shut, but the relief in her eyes tells me to keep talking.
“If I’m being honest with myself, I’ve been an awful friend since the moment I stepped into Finn’s house last summer. I’ve changed. I know I have,” I admit.
Still no response.
“I got so wrapped up in it. I wanted to get a taste of that teenage experience everybody talks about, to try new things, and I…” I pause, hesitant to keep going. “I love you so much, Vee, but I’ve always felt like I had to hide this part of myself from you. The part that wants to make mistakes, kiss the wrong boys. The part that wants to go wild every once in a while.”
That’s what does it. The walls she put up around herself finally collapse, allowing me to peek at the wounded girl behind them.
“Is it something I did?” she worries.
“No, it’s just… you’re always so composed. You don’t like the attention, you’re not boy-crazy, you want nothing to do with popularity. And the alcohol thing because of your dad…” I cringe, thinking about all the times I dragged her to parties, knowing damn well she had triggers because of her father’s struggles with alcohol. “I can’t help feeling like a monster for wanting all those things. And when I started seeing Finn…”
I have to stop myself and take a breather. I’m still a little hungover, not to mention heartbroken over last night, and I’m afraid talking about him will blow the floodgates open.
“He made me feel like it was okay to give in to my impulses. Being with him was like a high I’d never experienced before. But then the high ended. And I tried to get that feeling elsewhere, tried to keep it going for as long as I could… no matter the cost.”
I only realize I’m tearing up when a hint of pity flashes in Aveena’s gaze.
“Until you walked out last night. And I realized that the high isn’t worth it if you don’t have anyone to come down to.”
I’m not the only one crying anymore.
She is, too.
“I told Lacey I wasn’t going through with it, then we got into a fight, and she blocked me on Snapchat, so… I guess that’s the end of that.” I chuckle.
“That sucks, D. I’m sorry.”