Aveena
Aveena: Hey, are you okay? You weren’t at school.
Wednesday
Aveena: Xavier?
Wednesday
Aveena: It’s been two days. I’m worried about you.
Thursday
Aveena: Are you mad at me or something?
Thursday
Did you know it was possible to be irritated by your own breathing? To feel so irked, so aggravated by the faintest sound you wish you could turn it all off?
Just for a moment?
A second?
I didn’t.
Didn’t know how painful silence could be until silence was all I had left. My life’s full of it lately. It’s roaming the halls, bouncing off the ceilings, lurking at every corner.
Reminding me of what I want to hear.
Like my phone buzzing with a reply from Xav.
Slumping against the couch and resting my phone on my lap, I contemplate how awful the past two days have been. Whispers and laughter have been shadowing me down the halls since I stepped foot into Easton on Wednesday morning.
I knew people suspected me of being Love by Brie’s comment in the “Find Zac and Love” group, which I had to join to alleviate suspicions, but I was far from prepared to become the school’s pariah.
Only people who deign talk to me anymore are Dia and the guys. I still eat lunch with the jocks, and while Finn and Theo turned out to be very supportive, Axel and Lacey are more than happy to test the shit out of me.
They keep trying to get a rise out of me by bringing up my dad’s suicide and how I slept with my sister’s man to see if they can get me to flinch.
Cry.
Get mad.
Anything.
They want nothing more than to see me break, and it’s taken superhuman strength for me not to bat an eye at their cruel “jokes.” Thankfully, that’s as far as it’s gone. No one’s had the guts to confront me about the rumors yet.
I heard Finn and Theo asking each other what the fuck was up with Xavier once or twice. They haven’t heard from him in a while either, but I can’t rid myself of the pit in my stomach. This gnawing voice in my head telling me the world is about to end.
If it hasn’t already.
The day after I gave Xav all of me, Dia came by my house with two pounds of pistachio ice cream, asking for an explanation, and I bared my heart to her.
Told her about the confessions and pretended I didn’t even know who Zac was myself. That’s not my secret to tell. I cried, she cried. Then I told her I slept with Xavier, and she freaked out, squealing that she knew something was going on between us since the night he gave me a ride.
She swore on her dads’ lives that she wouldn’t tell a soul about my secret identity, and I believe her. She also tried reassuring me about Xavier’s disappearing act. Said he had to have a good reason since he’s also been ghosting his friends.
As much as I’d love to believe her, his silence doesn’t sit right with me. My messages all bare the dreaded “Read” receipt.