Don’t.
I could apply to it anything, but I know what he means.
Don’t fall for him, that’s what he’s trying to tell me.
I’ve thought about my heart a lot tonight. Cautioning myself the same. He’s collected pieces of me. I thought I had nothing left to give.
I do. I have my heart and my soul. That’s what I have left.
He doesn’t love me. I don’t think he does. I don’t think he can.
So, I must never allow him to take the last two things away from me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Massimo
I step out onto the terrace, gaze up at the stars as memories of last night come back to me.
It was the twinkle in Emelia’s eyes and the way she looked at me the whole night that I’ll always remember.
I see you…
That’s what she said to me. I knew what she meant. She could see inside me, past the wall I built, see deep down to the real me.
Just like at the ball, I dropped my guard. At the ball, when I first saw her, she was so striking I couldn’t keep that wall up. The same thing happened last night. I allowed her in.
But I ruined it. I squashed the connection like a bug. Crushed it before it could take full bloom, suffocated the blossom of the feelings people share after they do what we did.
She trusted me with her body last night when she allowed me to tie her up. What she didn’t realize was that she trusted me with more than that. She trusted me with trust. The element of trust. People don’t think of it as a concept that’s as important as love, friendship, compassion. It’s the same.
We had sex twice before morning, when she woke in the early hours. It felt good to have her in my bed finally, but there was something different about her.
Did she heed my warning? Don’t fall for me.
I mustn’t fall for her either. It wouldn’t be hard to. I’m already on the edge.
There are, however, so many reasons why I can’t love her. So many reasons why I shouldn’t. And she mustn’t give me her love either.
We’re a contract. Love is a weakness I can’t afford
. Women are just women in my world.
The women at the house last night were good examples, although I admit it’s clear that my cousin Matthew is in love with his wife. That’s his choice, and I’m happy for him. All the other men there with wives cheat. I hate it, but what did I think I was going to do?
Marry Emelia and accept her as my wife the way you should, or would I have women on the side like most of the men in my family?
Pa was not like that with my mother, and while my brothers are sex-crazed animals, I know when they love, they would love hard. The same way I would.
That’s why I can’t do it, and I know that’s why they don’t either.
Love burned my father. Love burned Tristan. The last thing I want to do is fall in love the way Pa did and lose my girl.
With Emelia, it would be hard if I lost her or if I failed her in some way. I can’t live my life in fear.
Fear makes you weak. As boss and as a member of the syndicate, I can’t be weak in any shape or form. Emelia was a plan that is unfolding nicely. The wedding is a week and a day away. Things are in motion. I’m about to have it all.
I make my way back inside when my phone buzzes in my back pocket. Pa’s here. He wanted to see me.