FIFTEEN
It feels strange, staring at Jax amid the colliding bodies moving against us. The more I look at him, the more it feels as though rest of the world has crumbled away, with only the two of us at the center of the universe, anchoring ourselves together. I don’t know why I thought he’d look any different than he did two weeks ago, when really it’s only my perception of him that has changed.
That golden mess of hair I used to love running my hands through is now tainted with Beth’s fingers. Those lips I could never stop kissing are now scorned from peppering kisses down my sister’s jaw and all over her body. Those eyes that I could get lost in for hours, have never looked so callous. Bile rises in my throat but I swallow it, careful not to show him that his mere presence has already begun to do its damage.
“Did you see me fuck Jorgen up? KO’ed the guy in thirty seconds. Broke my previous record,” Jax says, a smug smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He’s half naked, as usual, with his black robe falling past his arms carelessly, revealing a body packed with steel-hard muscle and boasting a golden-tan skin tone.
I snatch my hand away from his grasp. “I wouldn’t know, Jax. I haven’t been keeping track.”
“Then why are you here?” Jax’s eyebrows knit in confusion.
I roll my eyes, already tired of this conversation, knowing that there’s nothing that he can offer me. Not even an I’m sorry. I spin around and start to walk away from him.
Naturally, he doesn’t like that.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” I push myself out of the crowd.
“Getting away from you.”
Jax places a strong hand on my shoulder, trying to slow me down. “Why?”
“Why? Are you serious?” I whip back around, incredulous at his ignorance. “Or did you forget the tiny little fact that you fucked my sister?”
Jax’s eyes flicker for a moment—guilt, perhaps—though I can’t be certain because when he blinks again, the emotion is gone.
“That was a mistake.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it was when you accidentally found yourself inside her. Repeatedly.”
I almost want to laugh at his absurdity. Surely he can’t be this dense. Or perhaps he thinks he can throw me a bunch of lame excuses and I’ll take him back anyway. Wouldn’t be the first time he overestimated my loyalty to him.
Jax clamps his mouth shut tightly. His eyes scan the crowd before he takes another daring step toward me, then dips his head low. “Look, is there somewhere else we can talk?”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” I snap, moving away from him.
“Wait, come on,” he pleads. “At least give me a chance to explain myself.”
“Too bad. You lost that chance the moment you decided to cheat on me.”
“I didn’t think, okay?” He snaps, letting out a slow, tortured breath. “I fucked up. I get it.” The sharpness in his tone has dissipated, replaced by a distinctive softness. “I still love you, princess. I always have.”
His earnest expression tells me that he’s dead serious. It makes me want to laugh.
“Oh yeah? Tell me how you can love me and go behind my back and pull this shit?” I accuse him, jabbing a finger at his hard chest. “You lied to me. You’ve been doing that to me for three years, and that’s all you know how to do to me, you fucking psychopath.”
“Tell me, how did I lie to you when all I’ve ever tried to do was get real with you?” He grabs my finger, pacifying my aggression by closing my hand into a fist with his own, his fingers brushing over mine. I’m startled by how familiar it feels. “I was the only person in your life who gave a shit about you. Cared about what you really wanted to do when your family didn’t. I was the only one who helped you harness that anger inside of you and made you who you are today. I fucking love you. I wouldn’t have done all that for you if I didn’t.”
I blink at him, willing myself to believe that what he’s saying is a lie, and yet, this is the only time I’ve ever felt like he was telling the truth.
Or he believed he was telling the truth.
I let my hand fall to my side.
“Then why did you do it? Cheat?”
“Because . . .” Shadows darken Jax’s eyes. His fingers drift through his sweat-slicked hair. “Things got way too serious between us. And I got scared, all right?”