When we’re back in the vehicle, he turns on the engine but we don’t pull out of the parking lot just yet. He reaches for me, one hand sliding over my cheek.
“Thank you for coming here with me,” he says.
“Of course. You know I’m always here for you,” I murmur back.
“After what happened with my family, I’ve barely been getting by, just waiting to join them.” His voice wavers, eyes closing briefly before meeting mine again, this time clouded with agonizing affection for me. “But you—you brought me back to life, Lucky. And I’m forever indebted to you.”
I’m awed by the way he looks at me, like everything is pitch black and I’m the only radiant light he needs. Smiling, Kayden leans in a little more and captures my lips with his.
It is a soft kiss, a kiss that feels like I’m meandering in the clouds with him. A kiss that kick-starts my heart and floods it with bliss. Unspoken words are flying, making my head spin like a turntable. But when he pulls away ever so slightly, his lips still hovering over mine, I’m certain I hear the three words that escape from them.
“I love you,” Kayden whispers.
***
I didn’t say it back.
Kayden said I love you and I didn’t say it back.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
He doesn’t even bring up the matter the next morning.
Not even when we’re packing up to leave Elijah and Patricia’s home, which makes me feel even more guilty about it. The horrible memory of me saying thank you and pulling him into a hug right after he said those words has been plaguing my mind like a stubborn scar since.
A hug. A goddamned hug.
I laugh to myself at how absurd it is.
Now you’re really asking to be dumped.
I wish I said it back. Kayden deserves to hear those words from me. We’ve been through a lot this past month and a half together, and deep down I know my feelings for him are mutual.
But I can’t seem to muster the courage to tell him, not when I’ve harbored so much distrust for those words because of Jax. Over the three years we dated, I was so sure I loved him and was certain that he felt the same way. But ever since we broke up, I’ve realized that he never really meant his Ilove yous whenever he said them. He would only say it to appease me or when he felt like he was backed into a corner.
I vividly remember times when I’d whisper those words to him in the dark only to be met with cold silence. And when I’d pry about it, he’d tell me to drop it.
I thought I was Jax’s only focus. His priority. Perhaps I was none of that and the priority had always been himself.
He just hid it from me really well.
How the hell did I put up with that for so long? How did I let him string me along like that for years, allowing him to take advantage of my unconditional love to get me to stay in an unhealthy relationship with him? He made me a docile pet, a willing submissive who craved his love. It fueled my obsession of constantly, always wanting to reach out to him despite him always putting me down.
I’m angry. Angry that I let myself fall into his large pit of empty truths.
I made a promise long ago I was going to get focused.
Instead, I allowed myself to be swept away further and further from my original goal—the one that I’d sworn I wasn’t going to stop until I achieved.
Jax needs to be stopped.
I won’t let him get away with what he’s done to me. To many others.
I’m done with waiting.