I huff out a quiet laugh. “I didn’t think that far ahead.”
“Marcel,” she whispers, running her fingers through my hair. Her touch soothes and reassures me, even though she’s the one who needs comforting.
“I spent some time staring at the falls and thinking over my life. Unfortunately, no good answers came to me.”
“It’s going to take a while to get comfortable. Your whole identity has been shaken.”
“I still love you no matter what,” I say. She needs to understand that nothing about this revelation changes how I feel about her or our future together.
“And I love you,” she repeats.
That’s what I needed to hear. “Will you love me more or less as a North?”
She pulls back and blinks at me. “Are you thinking of taking Rock’s last name?”
“Yeah,” I admit quietly, shifting my gaze to the nightstand. “I floated the idea when I saw him at Chaser’s place.”
“And?”
“He seemed receptive.”
“I’m sure he was. He cares about you a lot, Marcel. This is eating him up too.”
Something in her voice sets me on edge. “What makes you say that?”
“He…uh, came to talk to me at my office. He was worried about you.”
“He came to your office?” I repeat slowly, not liking the sound of that at all. Her experience growing up around an MC wasn’t always warm and fuzzy. Given the current situation, my MC prez showing up out of the blue probably scared the shit out of Charlotte. “What’d he do, waltz in your front door?”
“Yes. Scared the hell out of me at first,” she admits. “I wasn’t sure how he felt. If he wanted to keep it quiet or he was worried about the club finding out.”
“And?”
She pauses and seems to consider her words. “I think he feels…guilty.”
“Why? It’s not his fault.”
“I think he’s worried about…losing you.”
That’s new. Hell, my parents were all too eager to get rid of me. “No one’s ever been afraid of losing me before.”
“I worry about losing you.” She struggles to sit up.
“Easy.” I pull her into the safety of my arms again. “I’m sorry I took off.”
“I understand.” She blows out a long breath and traces her fingers over my chest. “It was hard to explain to Murphy though. Heidi’s been busy so she didn’t question your absence too much, but Murphy was out of his mind worried. Not to mention how pissed he was that Rock wouldn’t let him go on the run.”
Shit.“What am I going to say to Murphy? It might actually be harder to tell him than Heidi.” While we don’t spend lots of time getting deep in our feels, he’s always thought of Rock as a father figure. More than I even did. “At least I had a dad for a while. He didn’t. If anyone should’ve been Rock’s son, it should’ve been Murphy.”
She sighs. “To be honest, I considered that too. Neither of you are great at expressing emotions.” She slants a look at me. “Not only am I worried he’ll lose his shit if the news upsets Heidi, I’m worried that once it sinks in how the dynamics have changed, he’ll take it harder than she does.”
My natural instinct is to jump to Murphy’s defense. He’s a tough fucker who’s endured plenty of shit. There isn’t another person I trust more to have my back. But I just confessed that I’m worried about the same thing. “The guy I thought was my dad was an asshole who left us. But at least he was there for me in the beginning. I have some decent memories, like that trip, and—”
“Going hunting.” Her lips tip into a smile.
“Yeah, that too. But Blake didn’t have any of that. He had an addict mother who caused constant chaos for him. He has zero fun family-trip memories.”
Her eyes shine with unshed tears. “No wonder he’s so determined to be the perfect husband and father.”