She doesn’t understand because Lacey will never tell her, despite getting the go-ahead from Luke. Her sister has been through so much, was the only mother she knew, has always looked out for her. It’s Lacey’s turn to protect Sal. Her sister doesn’t need the burden of Lacey’s bad memories. Bad memories Lacey wishes she herself could forget.
She closes her eyes, not wanting to think about the past. But it’s coming in hot, like smoke from a flame.
Food. How she’d eat everything she could and then kneel in front of a toilet bowl to purge. How she kept going until she felt empty. Until she got control.
Stop.
Hospitals. The day her sister flew to San Diego in a rage, packed Lacey’s bags and got her out of that house.
Stop it.
Sal. Her sister, weeping. Luke, in the doorway of Lacey’s bedroom, his dark eyes so sad, telling her she could stay as long as she wanted.
Please stop.
“I know how you are, Lace,” Sal says, breaking through her memories. There’s concern in her voice. “You’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”
Lacey bites her lip. “I won’t.”
After a few more minutes of reassuring Sal she’s okay, Lacey says goodbye and hangs up.
She sits back in her chair. Hot tears spring to her eyes.
She shakes her head, chasing away the emotion. She doesn’t have time to deal with her old, sad memories; with what happened last night.
With a sigh, Lacey opens her laptop and rubs her hands over her face. What she needs to do is dig into work, stay distracted, feel invincible.
Even if the only thing she feels is all alone.