“I went to get a drink. He followed me. He tried to talk to me for a bit and I just stumbled like I had some horrendous stutter. I had to leave a few minutes later.”
“Well, I hate to break this to you, sister, but Jace has not been acting like a man who experienced nothing that night.”
Despite all the fears and anxieties I’d seen in her over the last ten minutes, Alice’s eyes seem to light up for a second. With hope. She stares at me with the kind of awe reserved for desert travelers and their first sight of water.
“Really?”
“Really,” I tell her. “I’ve refused to tell him who you are, so now he takes every opportunity to ask a sideways question about it. ‘Have any of your New York friends come to town recently?’, ‘When was the last time you had a girl’s night out?’ My point is, he’s clearly interested. And I know you are. So, why not swing by the garage sometime, wave a hand under his nose, and get yourself a date?”
Alice is shaking her head sadly. She’s started scratching the back of her hand again.
“Only you would think it’s that easy.”
I frown, shifting my knees around in the confined space. I’m not sure what to make of that accusation.
“Hey, if you think my love life is easy, I am a better actress than I ever thought possible.”
“You’re not with Caleb Walker?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
I squint like I’ve just stared into bright sunlight. Caleb has never expressly said he doesn’t want people in town to know what we’re doing behind closed doors. And everyone seems to be aware anyway. Then again, he’s so private, I know there’s going to be a line of privacy somewhere in the sand… The question is, where exactly?
“We’re sort of involved,” I admit. “But it’s not a full relationship like everyone seems to be thinking.”
“Relationship or not, it proves my point,” Alice says. “Caleb rarely dates anyone. And the people he has been on dates with are always locals. People he knows really well. The Walkers aren’t the easiest family to get to know, and it took you only a few weeks to start something naughty with him.”
My mouth drops open at her turn of phrase, and I laugh open-mouthed.
“Miss Lee, you are slut-shaming me!”
Reading my humor, Alice giggles and glances around like she fears we’ll be overheard in our little desk cave.
“No. I’m explaining that you have powers over men I could never understand. Or hope to emulate.” She places a hand on her chest. “I’m the reality.” She swings that same hand in my direction. “You’re the fantasy.”
“That’s not—”
“It is,” she says, interrupting me. Her eyes are sad but firm. I can see she really means what she’s saying.
Apparently, the measure of Alice’s self-worth has been forced upon her so hard and for so long that it’s now crystallized into diamond. Despite it being entirely wrong, I know there’s nothing I can say right now that’s going to change her mind.
On the flip side, who am I to be giving advice?
By my own admission, Caleb and I aren’t in a real relationship. We’re not living in reality.
Instead, we’ve taken to a sexual arrangement that deliberately avoids anything too real. Like dating. Like a relationship. Like emotions.
Suddenly, I find it just a little harder to look Alice in the eye.
I’ve been chiding her for hiding out in fantasy, not willing to break through the magic mirror and just talk to Jace.
And here I am, doing exactly the same thing.
“What exactly do you think a home is?”David had asked. “It’s the people. And people can be lost. You can’t hide from that.”
I haven’t been hiding behind a desk. But keeping Caleb and my, whatever-it-is, strictly physical is the same thing, I realize. It’s keeping yourself away from something that could hurt. It’s hiding.
“About how casual this is…” Caleb’s words come back to me again. I’d been telling myself that David had been the perfect distraction all morning. That it’s his presence that had pushed Caleb’s words to the back of my head. Now, I wonder. Had I been distracted? Or had I been deliberately ignoring the first crack in my own fantasy mirror?
Have I spent this day with my friend, hiding?