My head is spinning from this unexpected confession, and I swallow to clear my throat. This is the first time I’ve ever been involved in a breakup because Jess is the first girl I’ve ever called my girlfriend. Is this thick poison leaking through my blood is what getting dumped feels like? God, I know why Tabby’s been such a fucking mess these past months.
I shift in my seat as it all comes full circle.
The only reason I committed to this boyfriend thing was Nova. She got in my head. She fucked me up when she stood me up. I’d allowed myself to get excited about her, my fluttering nerves at the thought of getting to know her. Then, I sat there at the pub alone, and the foreign disappointment sank deeper and deeper into my heart.
I hated that feeling, and I’ve made other girls feel that way. Jess expected me to make her feel that way.
The night Nova stood me up, I was devoured by shame, and I wanted to be better. Not for Jess, but for Nova.
This is a fucked-up twist of events.
I pull Jess across the truck and into my arms, giving her a tight hug. When she sits back, I cup her cheeks in my hands, needing her to look at me because I feel like the words won’t be true if she doesn’t see me say them.
Tears run down her cheeks, and I wipe them away. “I truly am sorry.”
She holds onto my wrists, lip trembling. “I know you are.”
Jess hesitates for a moment more, then climbs out of the truck. She waves to me awkwardly, then spins and runs to her front door.
I let my head fall, intense relief and deep sadness washing over me in a rush. Jess was using me, even as I was trying to be better. To be different.
Everything ends up the same for me.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, so I scoop it out. Del’s number flashes and my heart sinks.
“Hello?”
“ZEKE! Why is there a girl in Jet’s apartment?”
Fuck.