Pet nods knowingly. “Of course, I get it. We’re used to being on the go, chasing life. This is New York, after all.”
“Right,” I say in agreement. “But it’s kind of more than that, is what I’m realizing.”
Pet frowns, her pretty face contorting in concern. “What do you mean?”
I slump a little in my seat, letting the exhaustion wash over me for a moment. “I guess it’s two different but connected things,” I begin. “I mean, yes, I’m working like a crazy person. I’m still at the makeup counter full time, and I still spend quite a few evenings babysitting. Weekends, too. And then Jared, well, he wants to see me all the time, which I love but it just means I’m on the go from one part of town to another and then back again, and it’s totally crazy, nonstop action. I don’t think I’ve been home for more than a few hours at a time since the summer started.”
Pet squeezes my hand sympathetically. “You’re stretching yourself too thin, girl,” she tells me knowingly. “Give yourself a break.”
“I know,” I sigh deeply. “But that’s the other part of why I’m so confused lately.”
“Confused? But by what?” Pet asks, her look concerned..
“Jared pays me a lot of money to spend time with him, and I don’t know, it makes me feel weird,” I admit.
“What do you mean a lot?” Pet asks. “Like a hundred bucks a pop? Five hundred?”
I chew my lip, looking down at my coffee for a moment.
“No, it’s more than that. Jared recently deposited fifty thousand dollars in my account.”
“What?” Pet gasps. “Are you serious?” she asks, her eyes wide.
“Yeah,” I whisper softly. “That’s a lot, right?”
Pet nods, unable to contain her amazement.
“Yeah, that’s like… no, I can’t even imagine that much money,” she informs me. “It has so many zeroes!”
“I’m not trying to brag,” I say quickly.
“No, girl, I know you’re not,” she reassures me. “It’s just, like, wow, yeah, that’s a lot. But what’s the problem, Marce? I mean, you know us hostesses. We get paid, and more is always better than less,” she says in an arch tone.
I sigh, slumping even further in my seat.
“I guess I just feel sort of guilty,” I say in a slow tone. “It just seems like too much.”
But my friend just frowns. “Girl, he’s a sexy ass bajillionaire,” she says, looking almost dumbfounded. “He could fork over a million dollars and I guarantee he wouldn’t even notice that it’s missing. Plus, it’s part of his job. He’s your sugar daddy. It’s part and parcel of the definition of being a sugar daddy. Why, would you rather he pay you less?”
I shake my head at my friend. “I know, you’re totally right, but somehow this feels different. I don’t know,” I shrug and nibble at the cookie. “Maybe it just feels weird because I’m not used to the same guy giving me money for services. At Sanctum we’re always with someone different, and I guess this is the first time it’s just been one man,” I say in a soft voice. “A very special man,” I add.
My friend’s silent for a moment.
“Huh,” she grunts. “That’s it.”
I look up immediately. “What? Do I have crumbs on my face?” I wipe at the corners of my mouth.
“No, it’s what you just said,” Pet says in a slow tone “You say you’re upset about the money, but I don’t think it’s that.”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “I have no idea where you’re going with this.”
Pet pauses a moment, thinking of the best way to phrase things.
“It’s just well. I think you’re catching feelings,” she says matter of factly. “I think you like Jared, and would rather not get paid for your time.”
I stare at her, completely taken aback by this diagnosis. “No, Pet, come on. You’re wrong,” I argue, but it’s a half-hearted attempt. Oh shit…
Petunia shakes her head.
“You think so?” she asks in a wry tone. “You spend all of your non-existent spare time with Jared. You talk about him constantly. And plus, you don’t like accepting his money because it makes your relationship feel like a transaction. After all, he’s paying you not to have feelings, but you’re developing them anyways.”
I swallow hard as tears spring into my eyes. “You think?” I manage to mutter through a thick throat.
Pet takes one of my hands and nods slowly. “It’s not your fault,” she tells me softly. “It’s natural to develop feelings, right? I mean, Jared is generous and rich, handsome as hell, and he makes you feel things. So yes, it’s natural to fall in love.”
My breath hitches upon hearing the word ‘love’ and I feel more tears popping up. “So what?” I ask angrily, dashing a hand at my cheeks.
“So it’s fine,” Petunia says judiciously. “But you know that girls in our line of work have to be careful, sweetie. After all it’s just like what Charlie Sheen said about whores: “I don't pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.” He’s paying you not to have feelings, hon.”