“I don’t know about all that. Why would your mom need to approve me for you to sleep with me?”
Max took another sip of his drink only this time he held it in his mouth hoping to warm it a it before he swallowed.
“My mama fucks all the men I date first, so I know if they’re any good in bed.”
That did it. Max choked on his tequila laced drink spewing lime green ice all over his table. What kind of world were we living in when mothers were screwing their daughters’ dates and daughters thought it was an acceptable form of parenting?
As Max cleaned up his mess with the handful of napkins he snagged from the receptacle on the table, he couldn’t miss the flash of yellow running past his table. The woman sitting behind him yelled for the guy to come back but it was too late. That dude was out of there and Max couldn’t blame him. As he tossed the now wet napkins onto his empty plate, he noticed a shadowy figure looming over him. When he looked up, he came face to face with a woman who looked like she was fresh out of the trailer park.
“My date left me.”
“Umm, sorry?”
“Don’t be. Some men just can’t handle a real woman.”
“Okaaay…”
Max was now getting a little concerned. Why was this woman standing over him talking about handling a real woman? He wanted nothing to do with her issues. Sure he was eavesdropping, but that’s as far as this thing was going.
“Hey, you’re that weather guy! I seen you on the TV. You sure can move those hips. I bet you’re great in bed. You wanna come home with me tonight? Meet mama?”
He looked the woman up and down and for a split second considered her proposition. She did have a nice rack and her legs were kinda long. Wait what? He snapped himself back to reality. He really needed to get laid and soon if he was considering this woman’s proposal. Shaking his head to clear the fog, he smiled sweetly and looked up at the woman.
“Listen, as flattering as it is, I’m going to have to decline.”
“What you mean? You ain’t trying to come home with me? Mama is expecting me to bring her a man tonight and she’d love you. You’re sexy af.”
The girl actually said ‘af’ as if she was texting instead of having a face-to-face conversation. Lord help him. Max had to stifle a laugh so he wouldn’t offend her.
“I’m sorry, miss, but I make it a point never to sleep with mothers and daughters. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am running late for an appointment.”
“Is it a pussy appointment because you can just substitute me and mama.”
“No it is a weather appointment. I need to get to work. It was nice meeting you.”
Max stood, dropped several bills on the table and hightailed it out there. He didn’t feel safe going home for fear the woman would follow him. He also refused to let her know what his car looked like, so he decided to take a ride on the LYNX, Charlotte’s light rail system. He ran across the street and walked a block up to the station before dropping $2.20 on a one-way ticket. It was 8:12 PM and the train would be arriving in three minutes. His plan was to ride until the next stop, jump off at the last second and huff it back to his car. He was sure he could avoid the horny woman with those tactics, and he was right.