27: Selene
I don’t go into the office for the rest of the week. I can’t face it. I work from home just enough to keep up, but it’s hard to stay focused. Kylie and I do our usual get drunk after a breakup thing, and Braxton fumes with anger for a while until we convince him to drink with us. But my heart really isn’t in it. I don’t want to sit around and badmouth Ronan, and I wake up with a wicked hangover the next day. I love Ky and Brax for it ,though. They’re always there when I need them.
Some people say rules are meant to be broken—or at least bent—but in this case, I should have stuck to my no dating coworkers rule. I don’t care how intense an attraction I felt for Ronan. It blew up in my face, exactly like I thought it would.
Back at work on Monday, I have a momentary panic in the elevator. Is everyone going to know? Are they going to watch me walk by and turn to whisper to each other as soon as they think I’m out of earshot?
Did you see Selene Taylor? She was having this crazy affair with the boss, but he dumped her, and then she showed up at work a total mess.
No one gives me a second glance as I walk through the hallway toward my office, so I figure I must appear more or less normal. I’m dressed in a fitted white blouse tucked into a slate-gray pencil skirt and my highest heels. It’s actually one of my least comfortable work outfits—the skirt is a bit too short for my long legs, and I have to be careful about how I sit. But there’s something about it that feels like armor. I might be crumbling to pieces inside, but on the outside I look fierce.
I haven’t made a final decision about my job, but I clearly have a choice to make. Do I stay, and try to find a way to work with Ronan? Or do I leave a job I really love and find something else?
I’m honestly not sure what I should do. I’m extraordinarily fortunate in that I don’t have to worry too much about money. I own my house outright, and my parents left Braxton and me a trust fund. I’m seriously considering taking a few months off, just to figure out what I want to do next. I thought VI was my future, but I screwed that up when I screwed the boss.
That’s a mistake I’ll never, ever make again.
If I do decide to leave, it won’t be until after our big presentation. That isn’t about Ronan anymore. I’ve been spearheading the project as much as he has, and the development teams for both companies are counting on me. I can put any awkwardness between Ronan and I aside long enough to get through that meeting. But afterward … I’ll have to decide what to do.
I figure my best bet today is to caffeinate heavily and focus on my work—and avoid walking by Ronan’s office at all costs. The morning goes by in something of a blur. The lead engineer comes to me with issues, so we have an impromptu meeting with some of his staff and get the details hashed out. Before I know it, I’ve worked well past the lunch hour and haven’t heard a word from Ronan. It’s like he’s not even here.
This is good. The less I see of him, the better.
Then, at the end of the day, there’s a soft knock at my door. I look up to find Sarah.
“Come on in,” I say.
“Thanks.” She sits down across my desk from me and crosses her legs. “I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you know what’s going on with Ronan?”
“I…” I falter for a second. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Look, I’m not very good at dancing around a subject,” she says. “I know you were keeping it quiet, but he told me about the two of you. And I know you’ve been out of the office, but he has been an absolute nightmare to deal with since last week. I’m probably really stretching the limits of appropriateness here, but I was hoping you might know why. He isn’t telling me anything, and … to be honest, I’m kind of worried about him.”
I take a breath. I suppose I might as well be honest. “He ended it with me last week.”
Sarah lets out a heavy sigh and pinches the bridge of her nose. “That asshole.”
I raise my eyebrows. “That’s not the reaction I would expect from you.”
“You think I’d take his side?” she asks. “I’ve been his friend for a long time, so he does deserve some loyalty. But this is just him being stupid.”
“I don’t think it’s stupidity.”
“Call it what you want, he’s being an idiot,” she says. “Do you mind if I ask what happened?”
I lean back in my chair. “He told me he crossed a line with me and he shouldn’t have. That he can’t be the man I need.”
“He said that out of nowhere?” she asks.
“Well, not exactly.” I tell her about the skydiving trip.
She nods her head slowly for a moment. “Things are starting to make sense.”
“What do you mean?”
“Did he ever tell you about his accident?” she asks. “The one that happened when he was in college?”
“Not really,” I say.