24: Ronan
Selene and I get out of my car and head into the hangar. After our last skydive, Selene decided she wanted to do it again. I hardly need an excuse to take to the air, so I was thrilled. Since she wanted to be able to jump on her own, she took the five hour skydiving course a week ago. The weather didn’t cooperate that day, so we didn’t get to jump. But today dawned clear, and the forecast calls for nothing but sun. It’s the perfect day to fly.
After a quick safety overview, we get geared up and head out to the plane. The air is chilly, and it will be colder up high, but my blood pumps hard, warming me. Selene’s eyes sparkle with excitement. I love sharing this with her, although I feel an unfamiliar twinge of fear as we board the plane. I’m not scared for myself—I’m buzzing with adrenaline in anticipation of the rush I know is coming. I’m worried about Selene. I know she can handle herself, and she’s been through the proper preparation. Yet I can’t shake the slight feeling of darkness that threatens my euphoria.
The plane takes off, the engines roaring. We watch the ground fall away below us through the window. Selene clasps her hands together and chews on her lower lip. I know she’s nervous. We’ll be jumping together, and I’ll be in constant physical contact with her until we deploy our chutes. She also has a radio in her helmet, connecting her to someone on the ground who will help guide her landing. It allays my fear a bit to know I’ll be with her the whole way down.
We circle wide, giving us a chance to appreciate the incredible views. My limbs tingle and I’m getting restless.
“You okay?” Selene asks, pitching her voice to be heard above the noise of the airplane.
“Yeah,” I say. “You ready for this?”
She nods and smiles, giving me a thumbs up.
We get to altitude and the jump coordinator opens the door. My heart thunders. Selene and I get into position, holding the bar above the opening. I meet her eyes, grab the strap at her hip, and give her a nod.
She lets go and we both tumble out of the plane. I could have let her jump without me holding her jumpsuit. I know how to navigate while free-falling, and I could have moved to her once we were in the air. But I want the security of my hand on her suit the whole time.
We spread out, horizontal to the ground, our arms and legs held up by the rushing air. Selene hollers with joy as we fall, and I let the high take over. There’s nothing like free-falling. High above the world, you’re flying, soaring through the fucking sky.
I check my altimeter more than usual, even though I know Selene has a voice in her ear, telling her what to do. I work my way around so I’m holding her arm, but in front of her so she can see me. She smiles, the air buffeting her face, and gives me another thumbs up.
We have about ten seconds before she needs to pull the chute. I’ll free-fall a little longer so I get below her and can land first. I want to be on the ground when she comes down in case she has any problems.
I motion to her to pull the cord and let go of her arm. My heart is in my throat, waiting for it to deploy. She pulls the cord and the lines shoot out around her. They’re tangled—turned in the wrong direction—and her chute isn’t opening properly. It jerks her up and I keep falling, but I can see the chute isn’t slowing her nearly enough. I turn so I’m facing skyward, but I can’t do anything but fall.
Fuck. Panic constricts my chest, and I can’t breathe. She’s going to hit the ground. She’s going to hit the ground and fucking die because I took her up here.
Deploy the reserve, Selene.I will her to remember what to do, to listen to the instructions I’m sure she’s hearing through the radio in her helmet. Deploy the reserve. Do it, Selene. Don’t keep falling. We’re getting too low, goddamnit. Deploy the fucking reserve.
Her main chute jettisons, flying away above her, and the reserve deploys. It opens perfectly, jerking her body, and her legs dangle below her.
I check my altimeter. I’m getting dangerously low. I turn over so I can pull the cord, deploying my own chute, and steer toward the landing zone.
Normally I wish the glide down would last longer, but this time I need to get on the fucking ground. I come in faster than I should, my feet pounding on the dirt as I land. The chute falls, and I unhook the straps, disentangling myself as quickly as I can.
I turn, desperate to see her land safely. She comes in perfectly, guiding her direction with the lines on each side, just like they taught her. The landing crew helps her down, ensuring she doesn’t hurt herself when her feet touch. She takes a few quick steps forward and stops, her chute deflating behind her.
I’m on fire with panic and adrenaline as I run over to her. I grab her and crush her against me, fear saturating every fiber of my mind and body. She could have died. Right here, in front of me. She could have died because of me.
I can’t live through that again.
I hold her tight and she wraps her arms around me.
“Fuck, are you okay?” I ask.
“Yes,” she says. “I’m fine, Ronan. I was scared for a second, but they told me what to do. It was okay.”
She tries to pull back, but I can’t let her go. Not yet. My body shakes and I can’t get enough air. For the first time since I started skydiving all those years ago, I’m not buzzing after a jump. My limbs are heavy and my chest feels like there’s a weight sitting on top of it. I wonder if my heart is going to explode into a bloody mess.
“Ronan,” she says, pushing against me. “Stop. I’m fine.”
I drop my arms, but looking at her doesn’t help. She takes off her goggles and smiles, but I can’t see her expression. All I see are her eyes wide with fear when the tangled lines twisted around her, the realization that something had gone wrong.
And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
Anger flares and I storm into the hangar, looking for Sam, the owner.