He spends the entire time everyone is doing breakfast repeating the movements until the plate is empty. "Did you have enough?"
I nod. It's all I can do since I'm pretty sure my heart stopped five bites ago and my panties are so soaked I'm going to have to go up and change right after this.
"Good. If you need me come find me." He stands up taking the plate with him but before he moves off, he drops a kiss on my upturned face - right on the lips. What the hell? Am I still dreaming? Why would he do that?
It is a question that keeps repeating in my head the entire time I hang out with Rani and some of the other girls. I think Rani and Charlie were going to take some of us skiing but the weather is way too bad with the snow still falling periodically. That means most of the girls have found their way up to a square room at the very top of the house with cushioned benches running along three sides of the walls.
I think Rani said the agent called this the observation room because of all the windows and the telescope that sits in the middle of the room. I bet you can see a lot of stars from here on a normal day. This isn't a normal day and all you can see outside the windows now is just snow. It's peaceful but also makes me feel even more alone than I normally do.
"I miss that feeling that comes with really good sex."
Everybody turns to look at Betsy.
"I know what you mean. I'm really happy I have Roy." Trinity speaks up and from what I've seen of her and Roy, they really like each other. I'm happy for them but it seems like I shouldn't be here for this conversation considering I don't have any idea what the hell I would be talking about if I did say something.
"Is it just me," Rani says, "or does the air up here do something to them? Like it drives them crazy or something. Since we got here, Charlie seems to be all over me. I mean, more than usual since he's normally all over me."
All the girls laugh but I can't help but let my mind wander back to how Jag was today. Was that the reason? Mountain air just makes men horny.
"Bitches!" Betsy pushes Rani and Trinity playfully. "Stop talking about it. I wish I had someone to fuck me sore and you bitches are just rubbing it into my face now."
My eyes grow large and round at her words. She makes it sound violent and slightly less fun than I had first been led to believe by the romance stories I sneak from my mom's nightstand. The only other person that looks even remotely as uncomfortable as I do is Rumer. I wonder if she's a virgin too.
"Oh! You know what we should do!?" Betsy's enthusiasm makes the other girls excited before she even tells us what 'we should do'. "We should do a girls' hot tub run!"
"In the snow?" Rumer asks.
"Yeah, it's warm enough in the tub." Betsy sells the idea and even I start to get excited about it.
"It does sound fun. Just us girls."
"Everyone grab your bikinis and meet up at the jacuzzi in an hour."
As all of us start to walk out Rani holds me back. "I wanted to apologize for saying something about your, um...well, about your virginity - or your lack of it."
"Rani, I'm still a virgin." She looks unconvinced. "I don't know why Tinsley started saying all that shit this morning but none of it's true. We slept in the same bed, yes, but only because of how cold it was last night. The room was chilly, and he didn't want me to be cold."
Rani still doesn't look like she is buying what I am telling her.
"We didn't touch the whole time and he was gone when I woke up. For all I know as soon as the room warmed up, he went back to his own bed."
"Really?"
"Really." As depressing as it is to say out loud it is the God's honest truth.
"It didn't look like nothing was going on when he was feeding you this morning. That looked...," She uses her eyes to show me what she is thinking without having to say it.
A blush hits my cheeks hard. "I think...I think he was doing that because of Tinsley - to piss her off."
I've spent my morning thinking of the reason why he would kiss me. It wasn't a real kiss. At least that's what I've been telling myself since it happened. For him, it didn't mean anything. Even if it was my first kiss.
"Alright. If you say you're an innocent little lamb and aren't doing anything with Hot Cop Jag then I'll believe you. But you should think about doing something with him if you know what I mean."
I let it go as I make my way to the room I share with Jag. I try to push the depressing thoughts that settle in my stomach over the thought that everyone else's reality of what happened between me, and Jag seems a lot more fun and a lot more exciting than what’s actually happening. How depressing is it that I kind of want the lie to be true?