temptation to kick Rami squarely in the back rose up in Mia’s mind. She had been so worried for him, terrified that he’d been hurt, arrested or even killed, that she wanted to scream in his face for putting her through it.
She was relieved that Rami was apparently fine, but raw fury was clouding her judgment. I can’t even have a coffee, much less alcohol, and he’s been getting drunk as a skunk for weeks. And now this. Mia gritted her teeth and exhaled slowly. Kicking Rami wasn’t going to solve anything. It would feel good for all of about a minute, after which she’d just feel bad again.
Instead, she quietly turned and made her way back into the house. Mia didn’t quite close the door behind her as she went quickly from the entryway into the kitchen. She found one of the cut-glass pitchers that she loved and put it in the empty sink, turning the water on cold. While it filled, she moved to the fridge and filled her hands with ice cubes, dumping them into the pitcher before her hands could get too chilled. Mia shut off the water and lifted the heavy pitcher in both hands, grunting at the effort. Part of Mia was still angry at Rami for scaring her so much, part of her felt almost guilty for focusing on revenge instead of on getting the wayward man back into the house without incident.
Mia pushed the front door open just enough to get through it and step onto the welcome mat outside. She steadied the heavy pitcher in her hands and then upended it over the unconscious form of her fiancé. Rami shrieked, dropping his keys and sitting bolt upright as the last of the ice water hit his head and shoulders. “What the hell? What the—who…” his bleary gaze fell on Mia and he frowned. “Mia? What am I doing on the patio? What’s going on?”
“I found you here, passed out,” Mia said firmly. “I thought you’d like that better than me kicking you in the back.” Rami broke into a rueful smile, rubbing at his face and hair.
“Yeah, this is probably the better of the two,” he agreed, swiping water away from his face. “How did I get on the patio floor?”
“I assume you came home drunk and just couldn’t get your key to work?” Rami frowned again, reaching out to wrap his fingers back around the keys.
“That unfortunately sounds about right.” Rami said slowly. “I’m sorry, Mia.”
“Well, considering I woke up thinking you’d been in some kind of terrible accident…” Mia pressed her lips together to keep the words from tumbling out.
“I’m sorry—I should have called or texted you or something,” Rami said. A concerned look came over his face and he patted his pockets. Mia felt a twinge of guilt when he took his phone out, but a moment’s inspection proved that it hadn’t been doused. “I’m really sorry, Mia.” Rami looked up at her, and Mia thought grimly that the expression on his face was more akin to regret for the hangover he was no doubt suffering from, rather than regret at having upset her. She took a deep breath and exhaled, smiling wanly.
“Come on inside. Let’s get you out of those wet clothes and have a talk about this whole…situation.” Rami nodded and Mia watched as he stood unsteadily. She turned and went into the house, walking straight into the kitchen to start the coffee. Mia shivered slightly at the smell of the delicious, roasted grounds—she didn’t miss alcohol much, but she missed coffee. Even though the doctor had said that she could still have about a cup a day and not risk anything, Mia didn’t want to take any chances. She heard Rami close the front door behind him, and heard his feet on the floor shuffling towards the bedroom.
While Rami was getting dressed, Mia did what she could to compose her thoughts. She had let the situation go on for too long; she knew that now. Mia had tried to avoid confronting the situation for more reasons than she could enumerate—but they had reached the point of no return. Mia was terrified of the prospect of raising a child without a partner, but she thought that the way things were going with Rami, she was basically already on her own. The thought sent a chill through her spine as she made herself a cup of herbal tea, before bringing both mugs into the living room.
I can’t let things keep going like this, Mia told herself firmly. They’re not getting better and they’re not going to get better. She shook her head, looking down into her tea. Mia took a breath and tried to steel herself for a conversation that she couldn’t put off any longer.
FIVE
Rami slumped over the bathroom sink, his forehead pressed against the mirror. He told himself that he would wipe the smudge away before he left. “I fucked up royally this time,” he muttered to himself, cringing. He had seen the look on Mia’s face. He knew what that look meant: he’d pushed her too far, beyond her ability to turn a blind eye.
If I had just managed to get in the house last night. If I hadn’t been such an idiot and passed out on the front porch. But Rami knew better; he had been pushing Mia’s tolerance for weeks. He knew she was disappointed in him, and he felt more than a little guilty for how poorly he was handling his mother’s ultimatum, and the discovery that he was adopted. How much really changed when he found out that his mother hadn’t given birth to him? It explains a lot, actually, Rami thought bitterly.
He stripped off his dirty, wet clothes, looking at himself in the mirror. Rami wished he had time to take a good, long shower, shave, and prepare himself for the conversation he knew Mia wanted to have. Maybe, if he had the time to do those things, he would recover enough to be able to call up the words he needed to convince her to give him another chance. But if he got into the shower and made her wait, he would only make her angrier. Rami splashed some warm water on his face and did the best that he could with a comb and a little cologne, changing into a tee shirt and jeans, wishing it were a normal Saturday morning and that they were planning to head down to the farmer’s market after their breakfast. Gathering up his courage, Rami walked out of the bedroom and into the living room.
Mia was sitting on the couch, looking into her mug of tea as if it might offer her answers, and Rami remembered the stories his nanny had told him about the witches that told the future in pools of water. Is she seeing a future without me in it? Rami swallowed as he approached her, before sinking down onto the couch. “Thanks for making coffee,” he said, smiling weakly. “I’m sorry, again, Mia. I should have been more responsible.” Mia looked up from her drink and the look in her eyes made Rami’s heart sink, even though he’d been expecting it.
“Yes,” she said, her tone matter-of-fact but not cruel. “You should have been.” Mia put her mug aside.
“Mia,” Rami started, reaching for her hands. “I know I’ve been a terrible fiancé, but I swear—I swear to God—I can do better. I can be better for you, and for our baby.” Mia met his gaze and Rami saw the tears gathered in her eyes, not quite spilling onto her cheeks.
“If you can, then why aren’t you? Why haven’t you, Rami?” Mia shook her head, inhaling a shaky breath. “I can’t stay here if you plan to keep acting like this. If you can’t support me, if you can’t be here for me…” She shrugged. “If I’m going to be on my own even with you here, I’m better off being on my own.”
“Please don’t say that,” Rami said, giving Mia’s hands a careful squeeze. “Please, Mia.”
“I just don’t see how I can do this any other way,” Mia said, her voice breaking slightly as she spoke. “I know I should have spoken up sooner, but I kept hoping you would pull yourself out of this on your own. I kept thinking that you’re strong enough to figure it out.” Mia shook her head again. “But I am starting to think that you’re not going to be able to pull out of this on your own, and I can’t be the one to support you right now.” Mia tugged one of her hands free of Rami’s grasp and pressed it to her abdomen. “I have to take care of me, I have to take care of this child. I need you to be here for us.”
“I can do that,” Rami said, reaching out and placing his hand as gently as possible over Mia’s. “I can clean up my act. I can be here for you.” Mia’s face twisted into an expression of pure doubt.
“I know that it’s been difficult for you,” Mia said. “I can only imagine
how much it would shake me to find out that I was adopted if I hadn’t been told as a child. But…” she took a breath and exhaled slowly. “If we’re going to stay together, you have to come to terms with that just…like right now. I need you to promise me that you’re going to be able to do that. I know it’s a shock, and it’s not fair, but it’s been over a month, Rami.”
“I know, I know,” Rami insisted. “It’s perfectly fair of you to expect me to do my part, and I will do it. I swear to you, I will stop drinking as of right now. I will take care of you.” He pressed his lips together. “Are you sure it’s okay for you to be spending so much time taking care of your mother? I can give you more money to make sure she has someone to take her places and run errands, you know.”
Mia’s eyes narrowed into a scowl. “A big part of the reason I’ve been spending so much time with her is because you leave me by myself so often,” she said tartly. “I care a lot about her, but I also get really lonely. I can’t spend all my time alone in the house, Rami!”