LILA
It wasn’tshocking that Mason had already left for work by the time Beau and I had gotten out of bed the next morning. I wonder how long he’s going to avoid me now. I’m still a bit shocked over what happened last night. The last thing I thought he was going to do was kiss me.
Everything happened so fast. Within seconds, his mouth was on mine, and for the first time in my life, I had a feeling of coming home. A sense of rightness. As quickly as he’d given it to me, he went and took it away.
I could see the shame written all over his face. I’m not sure what to make of that. Does he want me or not? The way he kissed me tells me he does. I guess he just doesn’t want me enough. If he did, then last night wouldn’t have ended how it had.
“You okay?” Beau asks me for the third time.
“I’m fine. Just going to miss you.”
“It’s only five hours.” He holds up five fingers to emphasize his point.
“Doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss you still.” It’s not a lie. I am going to miss him. It’s part of why I know I can’t let Mason send me away to college.
I’ve been apart from Beau enough already. I’ll never be able to do that again. But I have a feeling after last night, Mason is going to push to get me as far away from himself as possible. He’s in for a rude awakening if he thinks I’m going to go easily. I’m eighteen now; he can’t make me do anything I don’t want to.
“I’ll miss you too.” Beau gives me a hug before he takes off into the All-Star Baseball Center.
Mason got him into some week-long program. They go together every day for a few hours. Beau’s been super excited about it. At least it will give me some time to get my shit together. I don’t like that Beau can tell something is bothering me. I don’t want him to worry about me.
The second I step outside of the center, Jessup is next to me. “Mr. Mason wanted to know if you checked your email.” I fight not to roll my eyes because she’s only doing her job. It’s not fair for me to take my frustration with Mason out on her.
“I’ll check it, but I’d like to go to the coffee shop on 4th.” She nods, opening the back door of the SUV for me. I slip in and pull up my emails to see the one from Mason at the top.
The subject line reads Colleges to choose from. I immediately get annoyed that once again he’s trying to boss me around. When I open it, I’m actually surprised by what I see. It’s not a list of colleges on the other side of the country. All of them are right here.
I’m still a bit annoyed, though. What part of me wanting to take some time off didn’t he understand? The man always thinks he knows what’s best for me. He never asks what I want. No, he just assumes and picks for me.
I decide to ignore his email and just delete it. I can avoid him too. We both can play that game. The vehicle barely rolls to a stop and I’m hopping out of it. I see Mari already waiting for me by the door. She’s the only friend I have in the city, and I’m in desperate need of girl talk. She already has some experience with men. Maybe she can help guide me with Mason.
I’m grateful to have formed a friendship with Mari. I’ve been missing Wendy and Carole a ton. They were the only good part of that boarding school. Even though we still text a bunch, all of us have gotten busy with real life.
They are busy getting ready to go off to college, and I’ve been busy spending time with Beau. Plus, there are some conversations that need to be had in person. Mari has filled that void for me in that sense.
“I got you a drink already,” Mari says when I enter the coffee shop.
“Thanks.” I pull out the chair across from her. I always feel so underdressed when I’m around her. I’m in jean shorts and a shirt while she’s all dolled up.
“So, what happened?” she asks before I even get my butt fully into the chair.
“You were right,” I finally say. Her eyes go wide. She’s been saying she thinks Mason is into me. And that is why he has such strict rules about me dating. I might have told her about the rules when she tried to set me up a few times.
“So, he made a move on you. I knew it,” she hisses, looking pissed.
“I’m not mad about it. I’ve been half in love with him forever. I’m just mad he pulled back.”
“Tell me how it happened.” She scoots her chair over closer while I tell her about what happened in the kitchen.
I leave out a few parts that feel too intimate to share. Like him popping my cherry with his fingers or the dirty things he’d said to me while he was doing it. Even thinking about them has me wiggling in my chair. I never thought he would have such a filthy mouth.
“So, what do you think I should do now?” Mari has tons of dating experience. She always has different stories about the men she’s met. If anyone would know what to do, it would be her, I would think.
“I think you should let me hook you up with someone else. Show him what he’s missing,” she says smugly. “Besides, you can do better. He clearly isn’t that into you. Don’t make yourself look pathetic by chasing after him.”
Ouch. Her words sting. I have to fight back tears. But maybe she's right. My whole life no one has ever picked me. Maybe I should find a man that truly wants me.
“Okay,” I agree. A smile slides across her face.
“I know the perfect guy.” She pulls out her phone and clicks away. I want to ask her why she isn’t dating him if he's so perfect, but I don’t. Mari can get a bit fickle when you push back on her.
Who knew finding new girlfriends could be as hard as dating?