LILA
How can timeboth drag by but also feel like it’s flying too? That’s how the last two weeks have been for me, at least. At times I think this is the best my life has ever been—which isn’t really saying much—while other days are hard to bear. My emotions are all over the place, and I have no clue how to deal with them.
When I’m with Beau, everything is right in the world. Being with him is the only time I actually feel like I belong here. He and I fit together so easily. He loves me unconditionally. Something no one has ever done before in my life. He doesn’t care that we’re not blood related or where I came from. I'm still his family. I wish I could say the same for Mason.
It’s when Mason is around that my life becomes unsettled. I don’t understand why he can’t seem to tolerate me. Sometimes I think he wants me to hate him. I’m slowly getting there. If it weren’t for Beau being here, I would rather be back at boarding school at this point. Being here is reminding me of the foster system to a degree. Except it’s way fancier. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have this. Especially for Beau. He deserves to grow up in a place like this.
I’m back to walking on eggshells, though, with Mason. I have this fear that if I don’t do what I’m told, I could be tossed out on my ass. With how much Mason is avoiding me, I wonder if it’s only a matter of time. Honestly, I don’t understand anymore why he’s so protective of me. He can barely tolerate being in the same room with me. What’s the point of taking care of me? It doesn’t make any sense, which leads me to believe it’s only a matter of time before he just tells me to get out. That would make his life easier. Then he can stop avoiding his own home.
The only thing I can think of is Beau. That’s why he lets me stay. With Beau, he’s different. He’s sweet and even does things with him. I glance over at the clock and see it’s almost ten. Every Saturday they go out and spend time together. They should be leaving soon.
A knock sounds at my door. It’s soft so I know it's Beau. “Come in.” I force a bright smile on my face as I sit up from my bed. Beau comes barreling into my room. He’s all decked out and ready to go. Both Beau and Mason are giant baseball fans. Mason took Beau to opening day a few months ago, and he still talks about it like it was yesterday.
“See my new hat?” Beau pulls it off his head, thrusting it toward me.
“I like it,” I say before slipping it back on his head for him.
“You wanna come with?” he asks, making me wonder if Mason put him up to it. That thought is short-lived. “I’m sure Drix won’t care.”
“I think I’ll pass. Go have fun with Mason.” Beau’s little nose scrunches. He usually has that reaction when he hears something he doesn't like.
“Why do you always call him Mason?”
“Hmm.” I trail off, trying to think. “When I met him, he was Mr. Mason. I just dropped the Mr. part.”
He’s never offered for me to call him Hendrix, and I started feeling awkward calling him Mr. Mason. Actually, it was more embarrassing than anything. I was his ward and perceived on some level to be close to him, but I was still to call him “Mr.” Beau is probably only noticing it now because we’re all around each other more.
“You can call him Drix, too, if you want,” he offers.
“That’s your guys’ thing.”
“Fine,” he huffs. “You sure you don’t want to come?” He tries again.
“I’m good.” I snag him by the wrist and pull him to me, giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek before I let him go. He needs this time with Mason.
I think with me around, Mason is spending less time at home, which means less time with Beau. I don’t want to come between whatever bond they have. I want Beau to have that. To have some kind of parent role in his life. Mason might not care much for me, but he does for Beau, and I’ll never come between that.
Besides, it’s not as though I’ll ever look at Mason as a father figure. I’ve been halfway in love with him since he saved Beau and me all those years ago. Even when I want to hate him, those old feelings always come bubbling back to the surface. He could have tossed us out on our asses. He could have chosen not to believe a word I said, but he hadn’t. He kept us safe and gave us a new life. One I’ll always be thankful of. Even thinking back to that now, some of the hurt I’ve built up over the past few weeks washes away.
I check the clock again, guessing they should be gone by now. I grab my purse and slip on my shoes. The second I’m out the front door, Jessup is there.
“Can we go to 39th and Hamilton?” I ask. She nods her answer.
She barely speaks to me either. I wonder if it’s an order or if she generally doesn’t like me. I stopped trying to make small talk with her after the first week. It’s only a short drive over to 39th. Jessup drops back the second I’m out of the SUV, giving me space.
I can kill a few hours here walking around in the outdoor market they have on the weekends and stopping into the coffee shop. Today I’m going to see about getting fresh apples to make a pie this evening.
“You again.” I turn to see the same beautiful blonde I’ve run into a handful of times now. She must live close by. “No little boy this time?” She glances around, looking for Beau.
“No, Beau had plans today. Just me. I thought I’d come and get some apples to make a pie later.”
“How domestic of you. I can’t cook to save my life.” She lets out a laugh. “I’m Marina, by the way.” She holds her hand out. “But call me Mari.”
“I’m Lila.” I take her hand. “I suppose it’s past time we introduced ourselves.”
“Right? I swear I see you everywhere, but you must be new?”
“Kind of. I’m home from school for the summer.”
“Oh, so you won’t be staying long?”
“Not sure, honestly.” I hate not knowing what might come next for me. “Guess I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing next in life. How about you?”
“I’m a singer.” Mari’s whole face lights up as she says it. I bet she can own a stage. She might be one of the prettiest people I’ve ever seen in person. Even now, I can see men looking her way. “You want to get some coffee?” She nods toward the little coffee shop a few doors down.
“I’d love to,” I agree, hoping that maybe I’ll make a new friend.