Sephanae made a sound of disapproval, a presence brushing Maia's shoulder, but she ignored it.
Jaro crossed the carpet to the bed and sank heavily onto it, right where she’d sat moments before. "I suppose I have no room to complain." When he lifted his gaze to her, Maia dared to look, and her heart clenched at the misery in his big jade eyes.
"Say the word, and I'll pretend he's nothing to me forever," Maia said, breaking eye contact with a heavy swallow. "It's no great loss to me. He's a dick."
Jaro let out a slow sigh, looking at the ceiling. "He never used to be like that. The indenture changed him."
"But it's gone now," Maia pointed out. "It broke when yours did."
Jaro nodded distractedly, his gaze distant. Maia hurt to look at him on the bed, his shoulders curved inward, expression full of hurt.
Maia walled off the part of her mind that obsessed over Yeven seeing Jaro, touching him, pleasing him—and built another wall around that for good measure. Filling her lungs with air, she dared to approach her mate, crouching in front of him to see his face. She waited for the flash of pain through her ribs, but Heron's mixture was already healing her.
Jaro went still again when Maia set her hands on his knees and realised he was trembling.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't want this. I just want you, and Az, and Ark, and Kheir. Just us."
Jaro didn't meet her gaze, but a corner of his mouth flicked up. "The saints gave you him for a reason. Maybe..."
"What?"
He shook his head.
Maia squeezed his knee, peering up at him. "Talk to me. I know I'm a mess right now, but I'm still your mate and your friend."
"You'rea mess?" Jaro blurted, a laugh strangled in his throat. His eyes were so wide and lined with silver tears. Maia physically hurt to see them, leaning up to wipe away a teardrop as it fell down his cheek. "I'm the mess," he disagreed.
"We both are," Maia conceded. "Finish your sentence, Jaro. Please."
Jaro exhaled hard, looking vaguely over her shoulder instead of at her. "Maybe the Saints gave you Isak to replace me. Because I'm a defective mate."
"You arenot," Maia hissed fiercely, tugging his face down so he met her eyes. "There is nothing defective about you, Jaromir. Nothing. It's me who can't handle ... your past."
"The second I knew I had a mate, I couldn't—do my job. The whole thing made me sick."
Maia screwed her eyes shut, a nail driving into her chest. "I can't hear details," she said, her voice raw. "Not yet. I'm not ready to talk about it, to hear about all the ways—" She bit off the words. "Can you wait for me? I know it's a lot to ask;?I just need to process it, to get past my hatred of him."
Slowly, giving her enough time to stop him, Jaro wrapped his fingers around her wrist, his thumb sliding over her pulse. "I'll wait forever if that's how long you need."
A corner of Maia's mouth twitched, the barest smile. "Forever seems like overkill."
"Still," he insisted.
Maia nodded, her eyes tight and stinging. "Is there anything else? Something you didn't want to tell me, but I need to know?"
Jaro let go of her wrist to knot his fingers together, avoiding her stare. "A lot of my clients were lords and ladies. People you might know."
"Not ... my aunt, right?" she whispered, barely giving the words volume.
"No," Jaro replied in a rush. "No, never. But I ... if she had ... I wouldn't have been able to ... there's no way to say no. Baj, my room master, isn't a man you refuse. If we disappointed a client, or they didn't like our appearance, or if we were too loud, too quiet, too soft, too strong, Baj has the trigger for our cuffs."
A dangerous force moved through Maia, and she did her best to lock it down, but that was damn near impossible. It trembled through her fingertips, raged through her heart, and drowned the glade of trees at the heart of her soul until her hands were veiled with silver soul magic. Flowers burst violently to life on the bed, the desk, and the windowsill, petals of darkest black veined with jade green—the colour of Jaro's eyes.
She hadn't thought about it. Hadn't considered how the 'masters' kept beastkind in line, how they stopped them disobeying and forced them to do what they hated. She knew commanders had ways of keeping beastkind soldiers obedient, knew the cuff could send a shock of pain through their ankle, but to use it on acourtesan…
Maia surged upward and wrapped her arms around Jaro, hugging him tight. "I'm going to find that man and tear him into a thousand pieces."
Jaro was quiet, and Maia could have kicked herself for the sudden touch, for the violence in her voice. But in a quiet whisper, he said, "I'd like that."