"Can I take you home? Jarls will take care of this."
He motions his arms as if to say, 'be gone'.
"No, I'm going to turn into a fairy and fly home. Not sure how else I would get there." I say sarcastically, looking into his eyes.
They hold lust and something a bit more dire. I can't quite place it at the moment.
He drives me home, and we go up to my place. I pour two glasses of wine, and we sit on the sofa.
Oh. That feeling again.
I can feel James's hand glide softly over my thigh. It feels exotic and intoxicating. It meanders its way to my crotch, and I know exactly what he wants.
He kisses me softly, then unzips my pants and tugs them down a little. My jeans are the only thing stopping him, and they arewet.
He gets there and is rewarded with a nice flow of wetness. He kisses me more deeply and moves his hand up to my chest, massaging my breasts. He circles my nipples and flicks them tenderly with a finger. I kiss him back, allowing room for his hands to dive into me.
No.
As I sit up abruptly and remove his hand from my pants.
"No. I can't do this." I pull my hands to my hair and finger comb it back into place. "Wecan't be doing this."
Standing, I defiantly shake my hands, pick up the glasses and head to the kitchen. While I’m washing the glasses, he comes to me and puts his arms around me.
"I love you," he whispers in my ear.
"I'm not trying to push you," James says as he’s reaching one hand up to fondle my breasts and aiming one down, trying to get into my pants.
He isn't understanding me.
Men.
I shrug him off.
Is that all they think about women? Sex?
I hastily pivot around to face him.
“Stop. Just stop. I can't do this right now. I'm just not ready."
"Alexa?" he asks. "Alexa, please wait. I- I’m sorry," he stammers, ashamedly. " I don't want to hurt you anymore."
I have my arms crossed, staring out through a ceiling-high glass window, into the night sky.
I'm furious and scared. Scared that I may not get my wish of having both Mattheo and James.
When I’m calm enough, I turn to face James. He’s standing behind the counter in the kitchen still, resting his elbows on it. He stands up and spreads his arms to his sides.
"You want Mattheo to join us?
Afraid he will be angry; I slightly nod like a child would when caught in a lie. I look down at my feet and feel the heat of tears threatening to spillover once more.
He walks to me and lifts my chin up.
"Do you want Mattheo to join us?"
As a tear falls down one cheek, I mumble out my answer.
"Yes."
I wrap my arms around him, hugging him tightly.