I pause to see Dylan and Hazel’s sympathetic expressions.
“I have been too.”
Hazel nods.
“That’s probably more normal than you think. Have you talked about it?”
Talking about our feelings? Where the hell would we even start?
Dylan and I both shake our heads. My heart pounds when he blushes and inhales a deep breath.
“I don’t even feel like I know myself anymore. My head is all jumbled.”
Dylan and I are back to looking each other in the eye when we talk. His voice is strong and sturdy, but his emotions underlie his tone. Hazel laces her fingers with ours and gives me a smile as warm as hot cocoa.
“Me too. I don’t know where any of us stand, and I didn’t think I was gay but…”
I shake my head at Hazel.
“I can’t be because I want you so,sobadly, but…”
My eyes flick to Dylan, who’s looking at me without an inkling of fear.
“Me too,” he whispers.
“How about we take this slow? Like glacial pace, kind of slow? Nothing has to happen. If you both want to be with me from now on, we can do that, at least until you get more comfortable with the male-on-male thing. I really, really like you both,” Hazel assures us.
“Good, because I don’t want this to end.”
Dylan’s smile makes everything feel normal.
“Me too.”
“Me three,” Hazel beams.
“Can we just see you separately though?” Dylan asks.
I hate to admit my heart sinking at the thought. Does he not want me too? Hazel must be able to see my disappointment.
“There’s so much amazing potential here. I’d really like to keep seeing you together. Do you feel comfortable exploring that with us?”
Hazel squeezes my hand. I squeeze hers back. I know we’re going slow, but I want to bury my face in her and wrap my arms around her and drown in her everything. Dylan nods.
“Yeah, we can explore. Slowly.”
“We’ll keep communication open, too? If you guys are feeling weird, we need to talk about it. It’s not fair toanyof us to keep passing off silent treatments.”
“You’re right. I promise. Andrew?”
The two are looking at me, hopeful- their eyes are like tiny little galaxies reflecting the stars.
“I promise. Now who’s ready to head back to my place for a movie night?”