Ashley
I’m feeling triumphant. Like how I would imagine Olympic athletes feel when they receive a gold medal. Okay maybe not that good, but pretty damn close. Today I was able to get two idiot surgeons to quit acting like children and actually focus on the medicine, and not on trying to best each other.
I’ve always wanted to work in the medical field, ever since I was seven years old and my father died of cancer. I told myself I wanted to be the one helping people that are sick and dying. And I did just that.
I graduated from high school a year early, so that I could get a head start on my career. I even graduated from college early as well, top of my class. Became a scrub nurse while most of my friends were still in their first year of college. And then my mom died.
I was twenty-one years old, and she was my best friend. She died of the same cancer that my dad had- how coincidental is that? I was broken, but I was in the middle of my first year as a scrub nurse, and I couldn’t take any time off. I had to just work through it.
That’s how I became the best damn scrub nurse in the hospital. It was the only thing I could do to save myself from the grief. I worked my ass off, and basically never left the hospital. I have so many surgeries memorized that I barely have to think about which instruments to hand the surgeons anymore.
More than anything, I wish my mom and dad were here to see how great I’ve done for myself. They were my only family. We didn’t have anyone else growing up because both sets of my grandparents were extremely religious and basically shunned my parents when they had me out of wedlock.
So work is all I’ve got- seriously, I don’t even date. I’m convinced that it’ll always be this way, and I’m pretty okay with that.
I’m feeling pretty good as I’m scrubbing out, and I’m about to turn and leave the scrub room, when the two surgeons I interrupted earlier stop me.
I turn around to face them, preparing to show no fear- but seeing their faces without masks proves to be a lot more intimidating than I thought. Not to mention how angry they both look with me.
Dr. McKinnon speaks up first.
“In case you didn’t know, rule number one in an OR as a scrub nurse is to not embarrass the surgeons. You’re supposed to keep to yourself and do what you’re being paid to do. Did you forget this, or were you just blatantly trying to be disrespectful?”
Yeah, that’s it. Just because these guys are in a higher position than I am, doesn’t mean that they can say whatever they want to me. It doesn’t mean they’re better than me.
“Embarrass you? You guys were already doing that yourselves. And in case youdidn’t know, rule number one in an OR as asurgeonis to put the patientfirst. You two better get it together before you kill someone.”
And with that, I walk out before they can even say a word. I keep walking all the way to the nurse’s locker room. Ripping off my scrubs, I change into my non work clothes, and grab my things. I couldn’t be happier that that was my last surgery of the day.
Usually, I stick around to help with the post-operative care, but today I just can’t. I need to go home. What started off as a really good day was turned into anything but, by those assholes.
Everyone knows about the rivalry between Dr. James McKinnon and Dr. Oliver Walsh. People actually take bets on which one will crack and throw the first punch. They think it’s funny and amusing.
I don’t think it’s either of those things. I think it’s childish, and idiotic. These are twogrown men, and they act like they’re competing for who should be the captain of the fucking football team. It’s ridiculous, and someone needs to whip them into shape. Maybe that someone needs to be me.
From work, I drive to El Cajon, to the cemetery where my mother and father are buried. I like to visit them whenever I have a bad day. Trust me, I know that sounds morbid, but it actually helps a lot.
I like to tell them about my day and talk about what’s bothering me, and when I leave, I usually end up having some sort of solution to my problems.
By the time I get there, the sun is setting. I sit in between their graves, which are right next to each other.
“Hi Mom, hi Dad. I’ve been missing you guys a lot lately. I know, I know- I say that every time I come to see you guys, but I can’t help but miss you all the time.”
“Work has been really good. I’m one of the best scrub nurses they have. All the surgeons request to have me in their surgeries- even ones that aren’t on the cardio floor. This means I basically have first pick, so I can switch it up if I want to. I can’t tell you guys how much I love my job. It’s so rewarding. I just wish you guys were here to see me thrive at it.”
“I know, I know- you’re probably wondering what brought me here today if everything is so perfect. The thing is, there are these two cardio surgeons who just can’t get along to save their lives. They hate each other so much, that it’s starting to really affect their work and their patient care. They focus so much on their hate for each other that they forget why they’re really there.”
“And today- well, today I just couldn’t take it anymore. I just had to say something to them. And I’m afraid that when I go back to work tomorrow, there might be real consequences waiting there for me.”
“I know what you’re thinking- that I’ve always had a big mouth. And you’d be right to say that. But this time, it wasn’t about me. I said the things I said so that maybe those idiots will actually hear me and change the way they’ve been acting. Because if this goes on any longer, I might have to switch to the neuro floor or something. I don’t want to ever be in a place where I dread going to work every day, because work is all I have.”
“And mom, I know you’re probably saying that I should go out and get some friends so that I don’tonlyhave work. But it’s not that I don’t have friends. I just don’t have anyone or anything in my life that makes me feel as good as my job does. And so I put my everything into it. I have to.”
By the time I leave, instead of having a solution- I’m feeling even more confused and stressed than I was when I arrived. At home, I don’t even try to eat or anything. I just jump in the shower and then pass out in bed. This day was way too exhausting.