DREW
"Okay,Drew. Just change into this shirt from your date with Tori and we'll call it a day." Oliver handed me a blue-and-red plaid button-up from the stack of clothes on a table.
I pulled off the gray V-neck I'd worn on another date for the show and put it on. I rolled my shoulders back, hoping to relieve some of the constant tension I had there.
I'd been doing pickups all afternoon and was so tired of saying the same lines over and over again until Oliver was content with them.
I still didn’t know why I’d thought going on this show was a good idea. Sure, I'd finally taken the time to travel all over the world. But I’d never felt more like a failure in my life.
And it was all because I couldn’t get down on one stupid knee and propose to Gwen. Why, after all these years, was I still unable to commit and just marry someone?
I deserved to find love, didn’t I? I wasn't that bad of a person.
But it seemed like the ability to form a deep, personal connection with anybody had died right along with Aiden.
For some reason, I just didn't know how to let myself open up anymore.
And that fault had ruined a whole season ofFinding Your Soulmateand also hurt Gwen. And I hated hurting her. She deserved to have a guy who could tell her that he was in love with her.
I just wasn't that guy, yet.
The door to the studio's set opened and Dion stepped inside with Kate following close behind him. My heart thumped just at the sight of her. She was still gorgeous—somehow more beautiful than she'd been all those years ago when I'd fallen so hard for the little sister of my best friend.
I shook those thoughts away. I shouldn't be thinking about her like that. She was a married woman now. And I was dating Gwen. I was supposed to be getting engaged to Gwen.
"I've brought Kate up to speed on everything," Dion said. Which meant she knew about my failure to propose. "And Alexis suggested we have her help you prepare for your upcoming interviews."
Why had I given Kate’s name to Alexis? Having her see me fumble through a scripted conversation was about the last thing I needed right now. It was humiliating.
I was supposed to beThe Billionaire Bachelor. Not this wannabe hack who failed at relationships and saying a few lines.
Dion left, and Kate took a chair against the wall.
"Oliver says I have one more pickup to do, and then I'll find my phone so we can schedule a time to get together.” I finished buttoning my shirt, feeling uncomfortable being like that in front of a married woman I had once had feelings for. “I think I might be in meetings all tomorrow morning.”
"What's a pickup?" Kate pulled her phone from her purse.
"You know those private 'in the moment' interviews you see with the cast during each episode? Pickups are kind of like those, except filmed after production."
"Like fake interviews?" Kate gasped like she had no idea reality TV shows could do something like that.
I smiled at her innocence. "Not everything in reality TV is real."
"I know." She scrunched up her nose in the cute way I remembered. "But I like to pretend that it is. So what do you have to say in these anyway?"
I shrugged. "Basically whatever Oliver tells me to. Just because we filmed a ton of stuff doesn't mean they have everything they need for a good storyline for all the episodes to follow. And with the surprise ending…" I shook my head as the guilt resurfaced again. "Well, they need more than usual from me to make it work."
"What Drew's trying to say is—" Oliver interrupted, stepping out from behind the screen where he'd been re-watching the video feed from, "—we're trying to get him to come off as less sure of the women. Have him talk more about his fear that they’re really only interested in him because of his money."
I rolled my eyes. "They're trying to help me save face and make it seem like I have a better reason for not proposing in the end."
"That makes sense." Kate looked thoughtful as she nodded. And it was strange. She didn't seem to be passing any judgment on me. I’d expected her to make some sort of joke about how I had twenty-five women and still didn't manage to fall in love.
But she didn't.
I inspected the image Oliver had pulled up from my date with Tori to make sure I'd only left the top button undone for that date. Everything checked out, so I went to finish off the day with the line:Tori is great. We had instant chemistry and I'm excited to see where this journey takes us.
And after about five attempts, Oliver signed it off and I changed back into the suit I'd worn to the studio.