Ason
Sometimes, I feel like I don’t belong in my world.
Staring around the large dining room table, I watch as all of the men talk with ease as they settle in for the meeting. Talon and Micah sit to on either side of me, while Gabby sits directly across from us. Gabby and her mother are the only two women at our meetings. In fact, they are the only women that I know of who are in the mafia and active with the dealings and business.
This meeting has been on my mind for a long time and I haven’t wanted to tell Scarlette about it. She knows that I have to decide my future in the Antoni Mafia Family, but she doesn’t know that the decision has to be made tonight.
Knowing my stress and reservations, my dad felt it was necessary to get me into the business early. As a senior, I will make my way in the mafia world in a few short months. Dread consumes me as I allow that notion to sink in.
“Ason, we are ready to begin,” my father announces, as he takes his seat at the head of the table.
Swallowing, I steady my hands as I stare blankly back at him.
“Each of our children will one day step into the roles of their fathers and mother before them,” he begins, nodding toward Micah, Talon, me, and then Gabby. “Ason, you will be eighteen next month, and that brings upon a very important right and transition in your life. As the heir to the Antoni Mafia Family Capo, you need to decide how you will rule this family. We have a job for you to do this weekend that will help solidify your place, because as you know, a made man must earn his way into the family.”
My stomach churns and my palms become sweaty. I sense Gabby looking at me, but I don’t dare move my eyes. As I listen to my father speak, a sickening feeling that I can’t escape from nearly drowns me. The legacy my father is leaving to me is one that most men have and would kill for. It’s a prestigious world where men rule and take drastic measures to ensure their power is never taken away. However, with each word he speaks, I feel as though I am falling into an endless black hole. I love my father and my family. I appreciate the lifestyle the mafia has afforded me, but I don’t want to be a killer. I don’t want my life to revolve around crime. I just want a chance to be normal. Without the weight of the world on my shoulders as I listen to the hushed whispers whenever I walk into a room.
“We have uncovered a spy who is working with a rival mafia family. We want you to go and kidnap him, then bring him here to us,” dad says, as Solly, Chance, and Ryder all smile my way.
They, too, look proud and I can see the pride in my father’s eyes glowing. Panic begins to take over and now my legs are shaking uncontrollably.
“Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?” Micah whispers next to me.
I can’t speak or even turn to look at him.
“I can’t do this,” I quietly say.
Even as the words escape my mouth, I can’t believe it was me who said them. Gabby’s eyes go wide and Talon turns to face me.
“What did you say?” my dad asks in shock, as though he believes he didn’t hear me correctly.
Shaking my head, I feel like I am going to vomit. The room begins to spin and air has long gone left my lungs.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t think straight.
Standing, I knock over the large, dining room chair and the bang against the hardwood floors rattles the China in the China cabinet. I hear gasps and shouting as I rush toward the French doors locking me inside this hell.
“Ason, what are you doing?” my dad shouts.
“Where the hell do you think you are going?” someone else roars, but I don’t even look to see who it is.
I shove through the doors and as I make my way through the hall, my mom comes running out of the kitchen. Footsteps thunder behind me as my dad and I am assuming the rest of the men, come racing after me, too.
An arm reaches out and grabs me and I spin around, coming face-to-face with my dad. A look of shock covers his face and I know that what I am about to say will destroy him. But I have to say it.
“Dad, I don’t want to be a killer. I don’t want to be in the mafia,” I declare.
Gasps, shouts, and cries, ring through the air. But what breaks my heart into a fucking million little pieces is the look of betrayal that is now painted across my father’s face. He looks distraught and pained.
“Ason...” he begins, but I don’t let him finish.
I know what this means. I could be cast out of my family. I could be killed. Left with no protection.
These thoughts have plagued me for months, but even though the risks are high they are risks that I am willing to take in order to find peace. I deserve this and Scarlette deserves to be with a guy who is happy. I turn around and look at him one more time and say,” I'm sorry," before I rush up to my bedroom.
Slamming my bedroom door closed, I lock it and stand in the middle of the room, breathing heavily and shaking like a mad man. A blind rage spins inside of me until I am no longer able to take it any longer. My eyes scan the room, unsure of what I am looking for, until I spot my baseball bag in the corner of the room. Without thinking, I reach for my bat and begin swinging at everything in sight. I roar out a scream as my bat slams into the lamp on my bedside table. Glass shatters all around me and the sounds of the pieces hitting the wall and floor bring a sadistic smile to my face. My cold heart only freezes over more as I continue swinging the bat. I don’t see the items I hit, I just feel the pressure and weight lifted out of my body. I don’t stop until my arms can no longer hold up the bat. Collapsing onto the floor, I allow my emotions to break free and the world around me finally goes dark.