Gabby unlocks her car and I slide into the passenger seat. I feel a headache coming on and I begin rubbing my temples. As Gabby goes to start the ignition, she pauses and turns to face me.
“Ason, I wish you would talk to me,” she sighs. “You are the one we look up to. The one we all admire and aspire to be one day. But you need to let us in,” she says, her voice breaking.
I turn to face her. Gabby may be one of the toughest girls I know, but underneath her armor of toughness, she has a solid heart of gold. She loves those around her fiercely and I have always admired that about her.
Part of me wants to lash out again and tell her to mind her fucking business, but I just can’t. I’m too exhausted from running from myself and my family.
“Gabby, my head and heart are at war right now,” I admit to her. I know my words are vague, but it’s a start.
She offers a slight smile. We back out of the long driveway and begin heading toward my house. The soft melody of music plays through the speakers and for a few minutes, neither of us speaks. I am thankful for the silence, but knowing Gabby, it won’t last long. When she finally speaks again, she shocks me.
“Well, if it’s about Scarlette, then I think you need to let down your guard. I know she isn’t one of us,” she says, meaning the Elites.
I have no idea how she knows that I’m thinking about Scarlette. I haven’t spoken a word about her to anyone. This new admission causes my heart to still and sweat to bead over my forehead.
“Gabby, it’s not like that,” I begin to lie, but she stops me.
The car slows to a stop as a redlight gleams before us. She turns and stared at me and I watch as the flashing lights of the city around us dance across her features. “Ason, please don’t like to me. You and I are closer to than anyone else. I see the way you look at Scarlette. You have longed for her for years, yet you have never spoken to her until recently.”
Once again, I’m thrown by her words. How in the hell did Gabby know how I felt about Scarlette. For years, I have struggled with keeping my feelings for Scarlette a secret. Wanting her and keeping her at a distance was always my inner demon. Conflicting feelings crossed over me.
“I can’t have her,” I whispered.
Shaking her head, Gabby laughed. “Ason, why do you feel like that? Look at our families. None of them technically should have been together, but love conquered over everything else.”
Chuckling, I stared back at Gabby. I had been so lost in my own emotions and fears for so long, that I hadn’t noticed that my feisty best friend had grown up. I was proud of the woman she was becoming.
“Wow, I’m impressed, Gabby. You are pretty smart,” I say, causing her to smirk.
“Of course, I am. But seriously, Ason. Don’t let yourself be miserable because you are afraid to go after what you want. And... if you don’t want to be our capo, that’s ok, too,” she finishes, then clamps her mouth closed.
“I don’t have a choice. My father is the Capo. It’s my fate,” I explain, glancing out the window as the light turns green and we continue driving.
Clutching the steering wheel, Gabby stares forward as she goes to speak. “I see how uncomfortable you get when anyone brings up you becoming the Antoni Mafia Family capo. The rest of us would die for that role, but you seem almost afraid of it,” she tells me.
If this had been anyone else daring to be so brutally honest with me, I would have told them to shut the fuck up by now or jumped out of the car. But with Gabby, she knew that she could say anything she wanted to me. Not because she was a girl and I knew better than to ever hit a woman, but because she knew me better than anyone else.
“I just don’t know what I want yet. I know that my life will always be the Antoni Mafia Family, but the role I play in the mafia is what I am uncertain about,” I bluntly say.
“Just don’t give up on us. Regardless of the role you play, we will always have your back,” she states with finality.
In less than ten minutes, Gabby had broken down the walls I had spent seventeen years building. As each piece crumbled, I could feel my heart warming up to the idea that maybe, just maybe things may work out for me after all.