Annie stares at me a moment, then closes the distance between us. The second she enters my personal space, I know this isn’t going to be a sweet moment between us. She pushes up onto her toes to kiss me, and heat explodes like pain through me. I back her up all the way to the bedroom while she tugs at my clothes. I try to slow things down, because it’s our last night together, but she ignores my cues. The whole thing is frantic and rushed. Annie’s too rough and demanding, and my body can’t quite read hers, so it’s awkward too. She comes without telling me she’s close, without telling me to come with her, without uttering a sound. Her silence feels like punishment. And the second I finish, she untangles herself from me and turns to face the wall.
What the hell just happened?
I hear her crying next to me, and I press my palms to my eyes. I have no idea how to comfort her, so I don’t.
Neither of us sleeps. We lie facing away from each other, and I hate every second of it. Then finally, when she’s ready, she rolls over, her fingers brushing my back. I meet her in the middle of the bed watching her in the dark.
‘I love you,’ she whispers.
I’m silent—and an arsehole. I just can’t say those words ahead of a goodbye. I do kiss her tears away, though. I kiss her whole face, her neck, breasts. She’s relaxed this time and content to let me lead. She’s also tender and vocal, breath hitching and fingers pressing.
‘I’ll miss you,’ she tells me later when we’re watching the clock.
I drag her closer to me. ‘Will it be better or worse if I call you?’
She thinks about that for a moment. ‘Worse, I think. But if we’re not in contact, then it’s really over.’
‘We’ll text,’ I say. ‘Infrequently. At random times. No expectations, but no end either.’
‘Like friends?’
I don’t answer her. Trying to reduce this relationship to friendship is senseless.
‘Am I waiting for you?’ she asks when I don’t respond. ‘Is that the plan?’
I roll my head in her direction, my lips finding her hair. ‘You’re not waiting for anybody, Wilson. You’ve waited long enough to start living. Please don’t waste another five years.’
She’s crying again. ‘I wanted a life with you.’
‘I’ll be right here on the sidelines, cheering you on.’ I kiss the top of her head. ‘You’re going to have a full, amazing life up there.’
She rubs her cheek on my chest. ‘And what will you have?’
I think about that for a moment. ‘I’ll have this place ready to hand back to Dad when he’s out.’
She blinks, eyes heavy with fatigue. ‘It’s really only four years and ten months because he’s served two months already.’
I stroke her hair. ‘Four years and ten months will fly by.’
Sleep takes her before she can reply.