She doesn’t hesitate in kissing me back. She’s not shy or cautious. Her mouth seeks mine the same as it did a year earlier when we were submerged in that creek making bodily promises we couldn’t keep.
One minute we’re kissing on the veranda and the next stumbling through the front door. I lose contact with her while we’re moving, so I pick her up and press her against the entrance wall to re-establish our connection. I swallow her inhale, pulling her legs up until I feel them tighten around me. Only then do I carry her to the bedroom, wondering where the line sits today. I lay her on my bed, tasting her neck and collarbone and rubbing my face against her skin until I’m marked with her scent.
Tugging up her T-shirt, I whisper against her stomach, ‘Tell me when to stop.’
She takes hold of my head and pulls me up until I’m eye level with her. ‘No more lines,’ she whispers. ‘No more rules or sneaking around.’ Her eyes well up. ‘No more guilt.’
I search her face for any hints of hesitation but find none. ‘You’re sure?’
She nods.
I kiss her, and I mean really kiss her. I kiss her until we’re both barely breathing. I sit her up and lift her T-shirt over her head. She’s wearing a green cotton bra, and she’s perfection in it. I spend a full minute drinking in the sight of her, brushing my fingers over her skin. There’s no rush. I want to appreciate every second.
‘I lied to you,’ she says.
I lift her onto my lap and reach back to undo her bra. ‘What about?’ I’m confident I’ll forgive her for anything at this point.
‘There wasn’t another time.’ She swallows. ‘There wasn’t anyone else.’
It takes me a moment to get what she’s saying. I drop my head to her shoulder. ‘Shit.’
She lifts my head. ‘Don’t say that.’
‘You don’t want your first time to be in this depressing house, inside this bland room.’
She looks around as though noticing where we are for the first time. ‘Don’t tell me what I want. I don’t need a fancy setting. I just need it to be with you.’
And I need her to feel safe, desired, and thoroughly pleasured. So I make it my personal mission to ensure she gets all those things from me. In some ways it feels like my first time too. First time transfixed. First time making love.
It’s two hours of exploration, learning, and restraint. When it’s time to put on protection, Annie watches like an eager student, asking questions that most women her age know the answer to. I take it so slow, even when she demands more of me. I watch her face carefully the whole time, stopping at any hint of discomfort. But each time she brings me back.
‘I want this,’ she assures me. ‘I want you.’
So I take what I don’t deserve.
Afterwards, I lie on my back staring up at the fan. Annie’s curled against me, her head resting on my shoulder and eyes closed. I’m afraid to move because it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this good. I turn my head, lips brushing her hair. ‘No regrets?’
‘No regrets,’ she murmurs.
I draw her closer even though she can’t get any closer. ‘I’m glad you came.’
She blinks up at me. ‘To Chirnside? Or in your bed?’
‘Both.’
A smile spreads across her face. ‘Me too.’
‘Do you want a shower while I attempt to cook for you?’
She nods. ‘Okay.’
But then neither of us moves.
‘Dad’ll be going to prison,’ I tell her. ‘He’s going to plead guilty, and they’ll sentence him. I’m going to stay in Chirnside and run the farm while he’s gone. I phoned Pete today to let him know.’
She doesn’t reply.
‘You have to go back after the funeral.’