“You’re cooking breakfast for him?” I tease. “Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”
“Oh, he started my morning off very right,” Emory whispers into the phone, and I can tell she’s walking out of the kitchen as I hear Jett and Felicity laughing about something in the background. “So let’s just say I owe him. He can finish it up, though.”
“I don’t want to bother you—”
“You’re never bothering me, and since you’re always so busy and we never get to talk, I’m not passing this up. I’m in the bedroom now, so let’s gossip.”
“Gage told me he loves me.”
“Holy shit,” Emory shrieks. “I knew it. I knew this was coming. I could just tell and—”
“—I don’t think it’s going to work,” I cut in.
Emory falls into dead silence, and it’s so heavy, I wonder if she’s gone. “Are you there?” I ask hesitantly.
“Why wouldn’t it work?” she demands.
“Because I can’t be what he wants.”
“What?” she growls. “Is he making unreasonable demands on you?”
“He wants me to go to a team party tonight with him.”
“Uh-huh,” she says, and I envision her nodding in encouragement. “Tell me more.”
“And, well… that’s it. He wants me to go to a party, and I don’t want to go.”
“And he’s saying if you don’t go, then he’s breaking up with you?” she asks.
“No, he’s not. But the implication is clear… if I can’t be part of his life all the way, does this really have a chance of working?”
“Okay, back the hell up, Jenna. I am so lost. You have a gorgeous, kind, successful man who loves you, and he wants you to be on his arm at a team party—the team who is basically family—and you don’t want to go because I’m guessing you don’t want people looking at your scars?”
“Right,” I reply emphatically. She gets me. I knew she would.
“You’re an idiot,” she hisses into the phone.
“What?” I gasp.
“An idiot. You have a real chance at love here with a man who is, by all accounts, the real deal. He adores you and wants to be with you. Going to that party isn’t about him showing you off, but about being with you. And there’s no reason you shouldn’t do it.”
But there is. I tell her about what happened with Keller and then Gage going berserk.
Emory sighs. “Oh, that’s hot he did that.”
Agreed. It was. Not the point. “You don’t understand, Em. Some of these women are so into themselves and so nasty that it’s going to be really uncomfortable.”
“So.”
“So,” I drawl, trying to lead her to the conclusion. “I don’t feel like being the subject of whispered discussions. I don’t want Gage to have to be in a position to defend me.”
“That’s a lame excuse,” she says.
“I don’t want him to realize at some point he made a mistake,” I finally say, drilling down to my deepest fear.
“Oh,” Emory says, falling silent again. When she speaks, her voice is soft and measured. “You know he’s not Paul. He’s not going to abandon you.”
“I hear you say that with such confidence. I hear Gage say he loves me, and it feels truthful. But… I thought Paul loved me. I thought he’d never abandon me, and yet he did. How do I know Gage won’t do the same? How do I know my heart won’t get broken again?”
“You can’t know for sure,” she says. “It boils down to trusting your heart and hoping like hell the risk pays off. It’s always a risk, Jenna. Are you brave enough to take it?”
It’s weird how just a few words can put something in perspective. I’m looking for an absolute guarantee that this will be my forever with Gage, and I’m already looking for ways for him to wiggle out of it. That’s based solely on experience, disregarding everything I know to be true about him.
It undermines the trust we’ve built between us.
I’m letting my feelings about Paul project onto this thing with Gage, and I’m the one who’s going to ruin it if I’m not careful.
“So it’s all about risk,” I mutter.
“No reward is worth it if there’s not risk involved. Is Gage worth it?”
“Of course, he is,” I reply without thought.
“Are you good, then?”
“Not really. Still scared. The thought of going to that party gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
“Get used to it,” Emory says with distaste in her tone. “There will always be women who want to tear others down. That only means you have to find your people—those women who will be your support. You have Gage, obviously, but you need to find those within the team’s circle who are like you.”
“Sophie,” I murmur. “She’ll be there. And Brienne, although I doubt owners come to things like this.”
“Possibly. Dominik Carlson attends a lot of casual events with the Vengeance players. He doesn’t hold himself apart. But bottom line, there are a lot of nice women on the arms of some of the players. You’re going to find the same thing there. You will build a strong network of new friends. Trust me on that.”