I dial her number, barely remembering it without my extensive contact list, and wait for her to answer.
“Come on,” I mutter while I wait. If I get some answers, maybe I can get out from under the thumb of all these men intent on protecting me. I’m happy to keep my life, but the testosterone fest is grating on my nerves. One order after another, one move, one outfit, one smile...all to keep me safe, and all guaranteed to make me want to punch someone if they keep it up.
A tiny voice whispers that it’s my fault. I’m the one who called Kai for help. This is his version of helping. Even Michail, in all his beautiful brooding, feels like he’s suffocating me. Especially when he plays hot and cold with his body and emotions.
But how do I extricate myself without seeming ungrateful? I don’t want to burn the bridges between my brother and me. Not since we are somewhat speaking again.
The phone cuts to a generic voicemail message, and I hang up. I grab the nearest pillow, press it over my face, and groan into it until all the air leaves my lungs.
“If you’re trying to suffocate yourself, let me know. I’m happy to give you a hand. Just this once, of course,” a voice says.
I glance up to find Kai leaning his hip against the footboard of the bed. Michail didn’t follow him in, and I don’t want to consider why that causes my chest to ache.
It’s pointless to argue when Kai gets on a roll, so I keep still and wait for him to start and end his looming tirade.
Three...two...one...
“What the hell were you thinking? Or rather, you weren’t thinking. Why would you agree to marry that asshole?”
I sit up and glare. “You mean the asshole who saved your life, and your girlfriend’s life, so I’ve heard.”
He slides onto the end of the bed, unbuttoning his suit jacket as he moves. “That has nothing to do with this. You aren’t the one who has to pay my debts. I can cover them on my own.”
I scoff. “This has nothing to do with you. Not everything does. This is about keeping myself safe and my seat secure.”
He shifts his eyes to mine, his mouth still clamped in a grim line. “Is that what you really want? To marry a stranger, one who doesn’t deserve you even at your brattiest, and run a corrupt office that is little more than window dressing in today’s world?”
I can’t explain to him how this is all I’ve ever known. This is what I’ve been trained for. The only thing I know how to do. If I lose my council seat, I have nothing and no reason to keep going. With Emmanuelle, I’ll help run two councils. It will make me more powerful than anyone else in our society. In any city.
I might not hack things like Kai or kill things like Julia...but this...accumulating power...is something I can do, something I can control.
It doesn’t matter. Kai can never understand. He’s a man in this world. No one asks him to prove he deserves his place here.
“If that’s all, I’m taking a nap.” He shifts closer, opening his mouth, and I hold up my hand. “No, you have zero say in my relationships. You have zero control over my life. If I had known how this would go, I would have taken my chances on my own after the attack.”
His jaw tightens, and his hands clench on his thighs. “We protected you. Michail protected you. How can you say that? How can you be so ungrateful?”
I don’t go into detail about how Michail protected me. Neither of us need to deal with that drama. “I meant what I said.”
Kai stands, shoots me a withering look, and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
The soft bed cradles me as I throw myself back. It grows dark outside the windows before I roll on my side and stare across the darkened room. Something feels like it’s missing, and I hate it. A hot tear glides down my cheek, and I don’t bother wiping it away.
I doze, then wake when warm skin touches my cheek. The scent of him tells me exactly who is touching me. I open my eyes and look up at him. It’s dark, but I see his outline.
Without a word, he strips his jacket and shoes to climb into the bed. When he eases behind me and wraps me in his arms, I let him pull me into his chest and cradle me there in his warmth.
I don’t allow people to comfort me. It leads to reliance, something I also never allow. But a few minutes of solidarity, I can handle. At least until I get a hold of myself and can face every demon lurking in this penthouse at once.