Loving Willow is both the hardest and easiest thing I’ve ever done. It’s easy being myself with her, but the hard part is knowing it will end one day.
She’s either going to grow tired of me, or I’m going to screw things up.
888
When there’s a knock at the door, I rush to open up.
Seeing Willow standing in front of me, is like coming up for air after being under water for a week.
“Hey, Pretty-Boy,” she says, but the usual spark is missing from her voice.
Where she usually wears one of the outfits she’s made, she’s dressed in sweats and an old college t-shirt. Her hair is tied back, and her face is clear of any make-up.
I take hold of her shoulder and pull her inside so I can close the door, then I tilt my head and catch her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
She shrugs, and turns away from me, but not before I see her chin quiver. I follow her into the living room and sit down next to her.
“It’s nothing. I’m being stupid.” She takes a deep breath and forces a smile on her face. “What’s for dinner? I’m starving.”
“We’re having Chinese,” I say as I get up to get the food.
I put it all on the coffee table, and as she moves to the floor, I say, “I got those spring rolls you like.”
“Thanks.” While we each grab some food, she asks, “How was your week?”
“It was okay. We’ve finally settled in the building. The rebranding is done. Oh, that reminds me, we have our launch in two weeks. You’re coming, right?”
“I wouldn’t miss it.”
We talk about everyday stuff while we finish our meals. I wish Willow would tell me why she’s upset. I hope it’s not about us.
Willow picks a movie while I clean up. When I sit down next to her, and I reach for the remote, she places her hand on my arm.
“Wait.” She pulls my arm around her shoulders, and curls into a ball at my side. “I know I’m breaking one of the rules right now, but I really need you to hold me.”
I lean back against the couch and wrapping my arms around her, I hold her tightly to me. She buries her face in my chest and grabs hold of my shirt.
I tilt my head a little until my mouth lightly brushes against her hair.
We sit like this until her breathing starts to even out, and it’s clear she’s fallen asleep. I don’t have the heart to wake her. It’s obvious she’s upset about something. Maybe some sleep will do her good.
I close my eyes and press a soft kiss to the top of her head. Taking a deep breath, I fill my lungs with her.
It feels heavenly holding her in my arms, but it also makes the worry grow.
When I start to doze, I decide it’s time to go to bed. We can’t sit like this all night. I move slowly so I won’t wake her, slipping an arm under her knees. Leaving the light on in the kitchen, I walk to my bedroom.
Willow has never stayed the night. We both knew it was an unspoken rule we couldn’t cross. Her spending the night chan
ges things, it changes us.
I lay her down and make sure she’s comfortable before I take off my shirt and jeans. Keeping my boxers on, I get in on the other side of the bed. You can fit another person in the space I leave open between us.
I stare into the darkness, not moving a muscle. If I were free to love Willow, I would be staring at her right now. I would drink in the feeling of lying so close to her. I would allow myself to fantasize what it would feel like to make love to her.
But I’m not free.