He brings his other hand to my jaw and with his body he pushes me back until I’m up against the wall. This time when his tongue slips into my mouth, I’m not as overwhelmed and I try to mimic his movements.
Soon I’m so lost in kissing Logan that I forget it’s not real. I move one hand up his body until I reach his neck, and I drink in the feel of his skin under my fingertips. This moment is everything … it’s heaven.
It’s over too soon as he starts to pull away, pressing one last soft kiss to my tingling lips.
He pulls me into a tight hug and whispers, “You’re beautiful, Mia, and you’re going to make some lucky bastard very happy.”
~
Yeah, all those dreams turned to ashes when they all up and left for New York. If it weren’t for Josie, I don’t think I would’ve made it through that first year. We met at college and she quickly became my best friend. I swear there were days she kept me going when all I wanted to do was crawl into a deep, dark hole of self-pity.
That first year was unbearable. I had to deal with stuff I never thought would ever happen to me. Our parents might have died when I was young, but Rhett always made me feel safe.
I’ll even admit that it felt great that I was the one girl who was close to the Screw Crew. I had an idea why the guys gave themselves such a stupid name, or at least, I thought I knew why.
Once they left, I learned the true meaning of their name. It wasn’t just because of the stories I heard all over campus, but rather the fact that they screwed me, as well. Just like all the girls they used for a quick roll in the sack, I was discarded. It hurt like hell. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep because of them, but no amount of tears eased the gutted feeling of rejection and sorrow.
Rhett and Logan were the only ones who kept contact with me during the first few months, but eventually Logan’s messages tapered out until they stopped. Rhett went from calling me every second day to maybe once every few weeks, until he stopped, as well. Thinking about it now, they both stopped around the same time.
I lost my phone and I refused to get a replacement phone on the contract they had set up for me before they left. The only thing I had to hold onto was my pride. I was done being dependent on them. I got a cheap phone with a new number, determined to make it on my own.
I guess I wanted to stubbornly prove to myself that I would be okay without them.
Initially I blamed their lack of contact on the change of phone numbers. I kept hoping it was all to blame on some stupid misunderstanding. But I sent them quite a few messages from my new phone, explaining that I lost the old one but none of them bothered to reply. Every time I tried to phone Rhett, it said his number was no longer in use. When I tried to phone Logan and the other guys just to make sure Rhett was okay, I got the same thing. All their numbers were no longer in use. I didn’t know what to make of it. Worried that something might have happened to them, I got on a flight to see for myself if everything was okay.
Josie kept telling me not to worry, that I shouldn’t waste my time by going all the way to New York. I should’ve listened to her but once again I was stubborn. I needed to see them for myself, still hoping it was all some misunderstanding.
I spent the entire flight thinking how happy they would be to see me. I dreamt that we would laugh the silly misunderstanding away, and things would return to the way they were before the guys left North Carolina. I fantasized that Logan would take me in his arms, admitting how he’d always loved me. He’d say something sweet and loving, and sweep me from my feet with a passionate kiss.
I’ll never forget the first time I walked into Indie Ink Publishers. I was so proud of the guys as I made my way up to the top floors, taking in everything they’ve achieved. My heart was beating crazily with excitement at seeing them all again.
Then I stepped out of the elevator. Carter and Logan were walking towards me accompanied by an elderly man.
I smiled and took a step forward as the excitement in my chest reached new heights at finally seeing Logan again. Even though almost a year had passed since I’d seen him last, he still held the power to take my breath away. He had changed a lot during the past year. The boyish face I used to remember had filled out and become masculine. He had become a gorgeous man.
Practically falling in love with him all over again, I wondered if he would notice the weight I’d lost so far. Would he finally see me as a desirable woman?
All my hopeful thoughts and wild fantasies went up in a puff of smoke when he lifted his head and looked right at me.
Our eyes met - his devoid of any sign that he recognized me, and mine with the last spark of my dying hope.
It was only for a brief moment because Carter said something that made Logan look back down at the documents in his hand.
As they walked by me, I said hi but they didn’t even bother greeting me back. I still remember the awful feeling that sunk into my bones as I watched them walk away from me. The fiery sting of rejection scorched my heart.
I forced myself to walk to the receptionist and asked to see Rhett. When I was told that he was out of the country on business, my heart just shriveled up and died. Realizing that my brother had gone overseas without even bothering to let me know, was a stab to my fragile heart.
I couldn’t deal with the pain so I buried it deep. I told myself they were all just busy settling into their new lives, but as the holidays and birthdays slipped by, it became all too clear that I was nothing to them.
I didn’t even finish my degree in interior decorating, dropping out of college at the end of my first year. Finishing the degree would’ve meant that I’d have to use the money in the trust fund set up for all us after Mr. Hayes passed away, and I refused to do that.
Months would go by and I’d find myself harboring a sliver of hope again, nurturing the seed until the pain would be forgotten and it blossomed into the need to try and reconnect with them. I tried to see them two more times. The first time I was sent away, advised to make an appointment. They didn’t see walk-in clients. Trying to explain that I was family was futile. The receptionist didn’t even bother listening to me.
The last time I tried, I made an appointment. It was cancelled minutes before I would’ve boarded the plane. I didn’t bother rescheduling. It was clear they were avoiding me and that I should get the hint.
I was done trying. It was time to accept that they didn’t want me in their lives.
~