Hannah
It’s my last day of work at the library, and I’m sad. Downright distraught. I’ll miss working surrounded by books. Sitting behind a computer all day is going to be torture after this job. But it pays more—a lot more. It will get me closer to my dream of opening my bookstore, so I have to remind myself that it will be worth it in the long run.
Millie has been a hot mess all day, too. No one has ever cried so many tears over me before. I’d feel pretty special if she wasn’t also reminding me how much I don’t actually want to leave Waverly. I’ve had to stop myself from crying right along with her all day.
It’s time for lunch, and Millie and I decide to walk to the diner to meet Tess for one last midday meal together before I leave for “the big city,” as they keep calling it. I invited Gertrude because it felt like the right thing to do. “I have never had lunch with you before, and I see no point in starting now that you’re leaving,” she said. The woman also sees no point in refraining from saying exactly what’s on her mind.
As we get close to the building I’ve dreamed of buying for years, I see someone outside, taping a sign to the window. My heart sinks as I realize it’s a ‘sold’ sign. There goes any chance for my dream of moving back here in the future and opening my shop there. It was silly of me to think it would never sell. I should have known better than to hope it would sit there, unoccupied, for years while I work toward my goal.
“The building finally sold,” Tess says sadly while rubbing circles on my back. She knows how much I wanted it. Everyone knows. I could talk for hours about all the things I envisioned for this little building. “Gosh, it’s been what? Two years?”
“Yep. Ever since Mr. Whitmore passed away,” I answer with a sigh. Keep it together, Hannah. Just because nothing is going the way you want it to, doesn’t mean you have to crumble, I tell myself. I will not make a spectacle of myself in the middle of town on a Wednesday. Shandi would eat that up like a giant bowl of Blue Bell ice cream on a hot summer’s day. She’d just love spreading news of my mental breakdown all over town. She’s the one thing I will not miss about Waverly.
“I’m sorry, Hannah,” Millie says.
“It was just a silly dream,” I say. Nothing in my life ever seems to go as planned, so why would I think that this would? I’m just mediocre Hannah, destined to live a mediocre life, working behind a boring desk. I’ll probably end up with someone equally mediocre, who will bore me to tears, since I internally freaked out and shunned the man of my dreams when he finally decided to make his move. Gosh, I don’t even want to think about that disaster. Why did I react like that? And I haven’t even seen him since then. My love life is a wreck, and now my dream is in shambles. This is fine. Everything is perfectly fine.
“It wasn’t silly. It was a wonderful, noble dream. I was really hoping you could put my book in your store,” Millie says. Her mouth is scrunched to the side, and her eyes shine with mischief.
What is she talking about? Her book? What book?
“Okay, so I wrote a book! I finished it not too long ago…right after Jameson and I got married, actually. I’ve decided to go indie and publish it myself,” Millie explains. She looks a little nervous, but happy at the same time. I’m excited for her, and her courage to go after her dream gives me courage. If Millie can take the risk and write a book, then I can still find a way to make my bookstore happen. Maybe it won’t be exactly like I originally planned, since this little shop is now taken, but there are other buildings. Maybe I’ll find something even better.
We continue on our way to the diner, and Millie looks to Tess and asks, “Do you have anything to tell us? Any dreams you’ve been harboring?”
“Nope, I’ve got everything I’ve ever wanted. Although, I do want a job in your bookstore someday,” she says to me. I could think of nothing I’d love more than that.
It’s nearing the end of the day, and despite everything that has been going on, it has turned into a good day. Millie and I have spent the entire afternoon talking about publishing her book and strategizing a new path for my future store. We’ve made a five-year plan. Five years sounds like an absolute eternity, but slow and steady wins the race. At least that’s what Millie keeps reminding me when I say there has to be a way to do it in three years instead.
We did a special story time this morning with cupcakes, and there’s a preteen STEM activity in about an hour. After that, I will no longer be an employee of the Waverly Public Library. I’ve worked here since high school, starting as an after-school employee, restocking books on the shelves. I stayed on here as I spent four years getting my business degree online. This library is the only job I’ve ever had, and life won’t feel the same without it. I walk down each aisle slowly, running my hands along the spines of the books. I stop and look at some of my favorite books I’ve read over the years and flip to some of my favorite passages. Don’t judge, but I sniff some of the books, trying to memorize as many details of this little place as I can. It’s a comforting scent for me.
I know Gertrude will be looking for me before too much longer, so I start making my way back to the front desk. She doesn’t care if I only have one more hour of work. She’ll be expecting me to do my best up until the last minute.
As I turn the corner, I see Millie talking to Seth. He hardly ever comes to the library, and it’s never to check out a book. It’s usually just to bother someone…most often me. My pulse picks up, and why is it so hard to breathe? His eyes catch mine, and he grins at me for a moment before his smile turns nervous. Millie follows his gaze to me, and then she excuses herself to get back to work. As she walks over to her desk, she turns her head toward me with her hair blocking Seth’s view of her face. Her eyes widen until it looks like they’ll pop out of their sockets. “Oh my gosh,” she mouths silently to me. I roll my eyes and shoo her away.
As much as I’m annoyed with myself for it, I’ve wanted to talk to Seth for days. Ever since he ran out of my brother’s house. I don’t want to leave for Austin with things bad between us. I don’t want the last memory between us to be a fight. For one thing, it would make visits home extremely awkward. And we’ve known each other for so long. Twenty-three years. My entire life. I can’t stand the thought of him thinking badly of me, holding a grudge against me.
Seth and I walk toward each other like magnets. His eyes hold a bit of hesitancy in them, and I know it’s because of my reaction to him the other day. I’m tempted to fall into his arms and tell him I’m in love with him, too. But how can I be sure of his feelings? He chose the moment I’m leaving to tell me how he feels. How do I know it’s not just a case of wanting what he can no longer have?
The moment’s passed. I will not drag it back up. I’m moving, and that’s all there is to it. I’ll never find a job in this town that pays as well as the one in Austin, and I need that income if I’m ever going to achieve my number one goal.
We meet in the middle, and he smiles gently down at me, momentarily making me forget my resolve to leave. “Can we talk somewhere?” he asks.
I take him back to the conference room where we had our first fight. Hopefully, history won’t repeat itself here. We sit down next to each other, and I fold my hands in my lap, waiting for him to speak. He shifts around in his chair nervously, running his fingers through his curly hair, making it look like a frizzy mess. I can’t resist reaching up to tame the curls, and he freezes. He’s not even breathing. I pull my hands back reluctantly and stuff them under my thighs to keep them under submission.
“I did something, and I hope it will make you happy,” Seth says. “Gosh, if it doesn't, this will be an absolute disaster for me. You know the old Whitmore property that has been for sale forever?” he asks.
Do I know it? Is he kidding right now? I’ve only been gushing about how adorable and perfect it is for going on two years now! Almost everyone in town knows that I’ve had my eye on it.
Wait. Is he saying what I think he’s saying?
Don’t jump to conclusions. Let him speak, I remind myself. But I’m already seeing red.
“I bought it. Well, I put in an offer, and it has been accepted,” he says somewhat proudly. And I lose my mind. Any shred of sanity I had left is gone. Out the window. No more. What even is sanity, anyway?
I jump out of my chair and yell, “How could you?! That was the building I wanted for my bookstore! We talked about it while we were walking back to town that night. You knew, and you bought it anyway!”
I’m yelling like a lunatic. I can feel all of the blood rushing to my head, making everything appear hazy. I’m sure the entire library can hear me right now. Millie and the high school girl probably have their ears pressed against the door, listening to me rage at him. Mothers of little preschoolers are dragging their kids out the front door to get away from the crazy, almost-former librarian.
Seth jumps up from his chair and takes my arms in his firm grip, looking me straight in the eye with his jaw clenched. “Why do you always assume the worst of me? Why would I want that building? I bought it for you! For us! I want you to put your bookstore in there and live your dream, and I want to do it right beside you!” he yells. My mouth hangs open, and I’m grasping for any words to say. There’s nothing to say. His face softens as he brings his hands to cradle my face, and he says, “You are my dream. Anything else is just extra. Just…just please don’t go.”
I’m about to throw my arms around him and plead with him to give me another chance. Beg him to tell me I didn’t ruin it all with my outburst just now…or the one on Monday. I seem to be quite the emotional roller coaster lately. Please tell me I haven’t scared him away already. But before I get the chance to do any of those things, Gertrude charges into the room madder than a mama bear. I’m not the cub in this scenario, though. The peace of the library is, and Seth and I are disturbing it with all of our feelings and shouting. Okay, it was me doing the shouting. I disturbed her precious peace.
“I will give you five minutes to get out of my library before I call someone to come escort you out, Mr. Miller,” she says. Her eyes shift over to me, and she glares over the rim of her glasses. I think she just cursed me with that look. Are all of the first-born children in my lineage going to be born with tails from now on? Or perhaps they’ll all be booger eaters. I’m not sure which would be worse.
Seth leaves, and I’m left with so many questions. Hundreds and hundreds of questions. My brain can’t process the amount running through my mind every given minute. How can he afford this? Why would he do this for me? Should I still move to Austin? Should I stay? Everything in my world has changed.