I giggled, the stress breaking my brain a little. “Yeah, you do.”
“What I mean is that we’re a package deal. The three of us go together when we go. That was always the plan, Julian.”
Isaac nodded. “That’s why we called you down. We wanted to do this right. With you.”
I wasn’t as amused anymore. I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest. “What the hell? Were you ever going to involve me in this?”
“She clearly doesn’t want to be with me. I’m not doing this shit again.” Julian’s voice was thick with anger as he backed away. “You couldn’t pay me enough to make me want to do this.”
“Julie, just wait a fucking second.” Isaac turned to me and took my face in his hands. “All of this comes down to you. What you want, when you want it. This wasn’t supposed to all happen so fast, but here it is. We want to be with you. The three of us. In a relationship. With dating.”
“And lots of sex with maybe some butt stuff.” Blake grinned at me and then shrugged when Isaac hit him. “Just saying.”
“How does that even work? I’ve never been good at a relationship with one guy, much less three. And I’m still mad at all of you.”
Julian backed away even more. “This isn’t how it works. When you force someone to be with all three of us, when they don’t want all three of us, it doesn’t end well. Look at us. We barely made it through the last time. I’m not doing it again.”
Watching the crack in their relationship seem to grow and split open in front of me, I felt my own chest ache. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I didn’t want Julian to leave. There were all the reasons in the world, and in the next room, for me to let him go, but I couldn’t do it. “Julian. Wait. I don’t want you to go.”
Isaac sank into the chair I’d vacated and sighed. “Thank Christ.”
Julian rested his hands on his hips and glared at me. “You’re just saying that.”
“I’m too angry at the three of you to convince you that I want you here right now. I don’t feel like saying nice things. And I’m not talking about any relationship. I just want to sit here and eat my donuts while figuring out how I’m going to face my sister over dinner tonight, knowing that she knows that I’m getting railed by more than one man at a time.”
Blake grinned again. “And doing butt stuff.”
“I’m going to murder you, Blake. I don’t need this job that badly. I will murder you and leave you here for Hannah to clean up.”
He pulled me into his arms and grunted as I elbowed his side. “Ouch.”
Being passed off, I found myself standing in front of Julian, our eyes moving questionably over each other. It was clear that neither of us knew if we could trust the other and as my anger settled, I found myself wanting to know what’d happened to him.
He looked down at me and gently rested his hands on my waist. “Are you sure?”
I laughed a little and shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m officially the woman in town sleeping with a set of triplets and I feel like an embarrassment, but I also remember how it felt to kiss you.”
He swore and pulled me into his chest. “I swear to god, if you’re just doing this because you think this is what we want, I’m going to help you murder my brothers.”
I could hear the pain in his voice and I didn’t like it. I almost preferred him being an asshole. I stroked my hand over his cheek and smiled up at him. “I don’t do anything just because someone wants me to, or because someone thinks I should.”
He sighed and leaned down to plant a hard kiss on my mouth before pulling away. “I’ve got shit to do today.”
He left the door open after him, and Isaac walked by me after, his kiss longer lasting and deeper. “You suck at not dating.”
Blake pulled me into his chest and grunted. “So bad. You’re the worst at not dating I’ve ever seen anyone be.”
“I hate you both.” I looked over at the donuts longingly and sighed. “I need those donuts and like half an hour alone.”
“Here. You stay and we’ll go.”
I looked out at Hank and shook my head. “I’m going to take a walk with him instead. I need to think.”
After prying Hank away from Hannah and forcing Isaac and Blake to stop watching me from the doorway, I took a walk around the front of the business. I stayed far away from the lumberyard and the road, making sure to keep Hank safe and away from the sawdust. He happily tugged at my hair and played with my face, so untouched by the world around him. He didn’t have a care in the world. I wanted to keep him that way.
I knew the world would touch him eventually and he’d have to learn that things weren’t always easy, but I was going to do everything I could to make sure he had a real childhood. That meant my choices had to align with what he needed for that to happen. The only thing was…I didn’t know what that took.
Kara had basically raised me herself while our parents did only god knew what. There wasn’t a lot of childhood to be had for either of us. I was ill-equipped to give Hank everything he needed, and suddenly, his mother was the woman in town banging the triplets. One of whom happened to be his father.
Julian was another huge source of worry. I didn’t want to hurt him. It seemed like someone had already done that. I couldn’t chance bringing him into Hank’s life as a father, though. I didn’t think I could, at least. Julian didn’t seem stable. What if he got angry at me and took Hank? What if he ruined everything I was trying to do with Hank?
Another voice in my head spoke up. What if he was what Hank needed? What if he needed Hank?
Kissing Hank’s cheeks, I sighed. I would have to decide sooner rather than later. I couldn’t chance hurting the guys, if that was even something that was possible. For all I knew, it was all sexual with them. I just couldn’t string it out.