10
LEIGHTON MITCHELL
“We need to talk.”
Nothing good has ever followed those words. And nothing good has ever followed a gloomy expression like the one on River’s face.
Is he regretting the time that we spent together today? I thought he was having a good time. So good that at one point, I wondered if maybe he was having some of the same thoughts as the ones in my head.
Was I wrong?
I’m finished with Scarlett’s therapy so I get up, carrying her with me when I sit beside River on the sofa. He smiles and holds out his hands to take her from me. He kisses the top of her head and pulls her close to his chest. “Daddy loves you, baby girl.”
I haven’t seen him look like this since the day Scarlett stopped breathing and turned blue while he was holding her.
“Doug didn’t come for a casual visit. He came to talk about my tour schedule.” River tilts his head and presses his cheek to the top of Scarlett’s head. “He rebooked the events I canceled without talking to me first. Now I have no choice; I can’t cancel the same shows a second time. Fans will be pissed off.”
“That’s understandable.” Fans sometimes forget that performers are real people with real lives.
“I leave next week. Not in two months like I originally told you.”
“Oh.”
“This isn’t okay with me, but what’s done is done, and I can’t change it now.”
River isn’t saying so, but I can tell that he’s angry about this alteration in his schedule. “How long will you be gone?”
“Eight weeks.”
Holy shit.Eight weeks.Two months of Scarlett and me in this house without River. I knew it was going to be like this eventually, but I thought I’d have more time before he left.
“I’m really sorry. I know that’s a lot for you to absorb so soon in your employment here.”
I don’t want River to feel worse than he already does.
“Well, it’s your job and what you do. It is what it is, but I know that Miss prissy pants is going to miss you while you’re gone. She’s gotten used to you being around.” And me too. The house is going to feel so empty without River in it.
“Please believe me when I say that this wasn’t my choice. I want to be here, not on the back of a tour bus.”
“I know.” Anyone can see how much River loves his daughter. It’s impossible to miss.
I smile so he doesn’t see the way that I really feel on the inside. “It’s two months. It’ll come and go before you know it.”
“I’m going to drop everything between now and Thursday. I want to spend every minute I can with her before I leave.”
“Of course you do.”
He’s leaving onThursday. Why does it have to be Thursday? That’s the worst possible day that he could leave me. Us.
I was hoping that May third would be different this year. That I wouldn’t spend it alone crying. But it’s going to be the same as it was last year, except this time I’ll have Scarlett to keep me company. Maybe she’ll help take my mind off of it.
* * *
This week has gone by so quickly. Too quickly. It’s as though I blinked and River’s departure is upon me.
It’s Scarlett’s bedtime, and he’s next door rocking her to sleep. He’s done it every night since he was told that he’d be leaving. He’s given her almost every bottle she’s taken this week. Changed almost every diaper. Given her every bath. He’s been so attentive to her, giving her every minute of his time. And to me. We’ve spent every waking minute together. Just the three of us.
There was more than one time this week when I forgot my place. And there were many times when I suspected that River had forgotten too.