“Should I try another way?”
“Don’t be an ass.”
I suppress a smile and wait for her to finish her explanation.
“We’d been dating for a while,” she says softly. “He was a good boyfriend. Honestly, he was. He was charming and funny. And there were times he could be sweet. I don’t know, at the time it seemed like a no-brainer. It was only later that I started seeing that maybe all the things I thought were positives may have just been distractions.”
“Have you spoken to him since the wedding?”
“I sent him this long email,” she divulges. “It was essentially a breakup letter. I wrote it more for my sake than his. I needed closure.”
“And did he write back?”
“Yes. Basically, he didn’t respond to anything in my letter. He just said we needed to meet face to face so that we could sort things out. I ignored it.”
“Nothing after that?”
“I blocked him on my phone. So, no.”
I nod. “Good choice. Strong.”
She smiles. “You think so?”
“In my experience, not many women can walk away with such finality. It takes courage.”
“I appreciate you saying that. My mom thinks I made a mistake by not forgiving him,” she admits. “My dad told me that he would support whatever decision I made. But I know him well enough to know that he wasn’t happy, either. Although that might just have been a reaction to the fact that he had blown a bunch of cash on a wedding that didn’t actually happen.”
“They don’t sound like they know you very well.”
“Maybe not,” she says with a disappointed little sigh. “We don’t have very much in common.” She glances up at me. “Did you ever feel that way in your family? Out of place, I mean. Like you didn’t really belong.”
“I’ve never thought about it before.”
“So that’s a no.”
I suppress a smirk. “This is what I was meant for, Jessa. My father felt the same. And even Yulian loves it.”
“You… love it?” she asks tentatively.
“What’s not to love?” I ask. “I call the shots. I create the life I want. Sure, there are a few… occupational hazards. But that comes with the territory.”
“I don’t know if I could ever have that mindset.”
“Trust me—if you live in the underworld long enough, you’ll find a way to deal with the devils.”
Her expression turns thoughtful. I can tell she’s juggling a dozen different thoughts in that pretty little head of hers. But she doesn’t let me in on what they are. Eventually, her eyelids start to get heavy, and I watch as she slowly fades to sleep.
“I didn’t love…” The murmur is soft but intelligible. Her eyes are closed, so I don’t know that she’s even aware of the fact that she’s talking.
“Hm?”
“I didn’t love Dane,” she mumbles. “And he still broke my heart a little. I don’t think I could take it… if you… if you…”
She yawns and I think I’m about to lose her to sleep, but she continues.
“… if you break my heart.”
“Are you scared of that?”