“Just be patient.”
She turns and starts tidying up, which I’m pretty sure is not in her job description, but she just can’t help herself. A mother through and through.
“Does he terrify you, too?” I ask curiously.
She straightens up, but her expression is thoughtful. Finally, she answers, “No, not really.”
“How come?”
She shrugs. “I can’t quite say. I suppose he doesn’t strike me as the type of man who gets angry without cause.”
I don’t know what I expected her to say, but it wasn’t that.
“He didn’t leave your side, you know,” she adds.
“Sorry?”
“Mr. Stepanov,” Courtney clarifies. “The whole time you were unconscious, he sat vigil at your bedside. He didn’t eat. He barely slept. He just… watched you.”
I don’t even pretend not to be shocked. “Really?” Happiness glows in me for a moment before I tamp it down. “He was worried about the baby, I’m sure.”
“Yes,” Courtney confirms. “But I’m quite sure he was also concerned for your life.”
I shake my head. “We’re not together.”
“Oh,” she says politely. “Do you want to be?”
I bite my bottom lip, trying to find an answer that won’t be a lie. “I… don’t know. We are having this baby together.”
“A baby can complicate things,” she says. “But it’s not a reason to pursue a relationship with someone. Not unless you already have feelings for them.”
I sigh and pass a hand over my face. “I don’t really know what I want.”
“Maybe that’s what you could do while you’re resting,” she suggests. “Think about it.”
I grow quiet as I think about possible futures. Some include Anton. Some don’t. But in every one, I have a baby that’s half me and half him. An eternal tie between the two of us.
“He’s not the type of man who’ll commit to a woman long-term,” I say softly. “He was married before, and…”
I feel a surge of cold realization as I remember that he is, in fact, still married. I’ve been so used to thinking of him as a widower that I haven’t yet made the amendment in my head.
His wife is still alive. Thus, he’s married.
And here I am, pregnant with his child.
“The marriage didn’t end well,” I finish out loud. “In fact, it hasn’t ended at all.”
“Come again?”
“Never mind.”
Courtney doesn’t need me to fill in the details, though. She’s perceptive. She sees what’s happening. “Whoever this woman is who haunts your nightmares, don’t give her the power to hurt you, Jessa,” she advises softly.
“I don’t have any control over—”
“That’s the thing,” she says, gripping my hand urgently. “That’s just the thing, Jessa. You do have control. You can choose not to let your fear of her rule you. If you live in fear, then she wins.”
“You haven’t met this chick,” I chuckle bitterly. “She’s batshit crazy.”