I grab a hand towel next to her bed and wipe her down gently. She mumbles feverishly in her sleep and tosses around, still whimpering. “No… no… no…”
Who’s she talking about? Is it Marina? Is it me? Are we one and the same to her now?
“Jessa,” I whisper in her ear, “it’s okay now. You’re safe.”
She shakes her head with frustration. Her eyes flutter, but they never actually open properly. Her fingers curl around my arm and she digs in deep enough to break the skin, not that I give a damn. She can tear my flesh to pieces if it will bring her even a moment of comfort.
“Please,” she whispers.
I have no earthly idea who she’s pleading with. “Listen to me,” I say, raising my voice, hoping that some part of what I’m saying will get through. “You are safe, Jessa. You’re with me now.”
The shaking subsides somewhat, but not enough to reassure me that she’s out of the woods. I keep soaking the towel and running it along her forehead. I’m still doing it when Dr. Mathers walks back into the room.
“How’s she doing?” she asks coolly.
“You tell me,” I snap. “I’m not paying you ten grand a day for fucking nothing.”
She takes that in stride and gives me only a polite smile. “Would you mind moving to the side a little so I can examine her?”
I get up reluctantly and watch as she gets out her stethoscope to check Jessa’s vitals.
When she starts examining her stomach, Jessa moans violently. Her spine arches so far I worry it might snap in half.
“Will you be careful?” I growl.
Once again, Dr. Mathers doesn’t so much as flinch. “Her sleep is fitful. It’s the trauma manifesting itself physically.”
“Make it stop.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do anything about it.”
“Then what use are you?”
She looks slightly uneasy as she stands and turns to me. “I understand this is difficult to watch, Mr. Stepanov. That’s why it’s important that you get some rest yourself.”
“I don’t need rest.”
She doesn’t look convinced. “You look dead on your feet.”
“I just said I’m fine.”
She looks like she wants to argue, but she knows a lost cause when she sees one. She nods in resignation and turns towards the door. “I’ll be back in a half hour to check on her again. If she makes it through the night without miscarrying, I think it’s safe to say we’ll be out of the woods.”
I expect her to leave, but she stands there awkwardly, her eyes darting between Jessa and me.
“Anything else, Doctor?” I ask impatiently.
“Talk to her,” she says reluctantly, as though she knows I won’t like the advice. “I know it’s not the most scientific remedy, but I am one of those doctors who believe we gather strength from the people we love.”
I give her a curt nod of dismissal. She walks to the door, but pauses at the threshold. Her eyes linger on me as her hand winds itself around the handle.
“Now what?”
She shakes her head. “It’s just… it’s beautiful how you look after her. She’s a lucky woman.”
A lucky woman. I want to laugh at the twisted irony. I’ve hijacked Jessa’s life by dragging her into mine.
And still, I’m too selfish, too cruel a man to regret it even now.